by Lise

: Female
Age: 25
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: SoCal
Highest education received: High school diploma
Occupation: Actress
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly gay/lesbian
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? 100% romantic interest in girls
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2


How long ago did this hookup happen? Five years

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? one night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Ok, I decided to finish my contribution to this fascinating site with a very different event from my life that is far less sex positive than the other experiences I recounted.

I went to a lez bar with a couple of straight girlfriends, fake ID and all, intending to find some sweet femme and take her home. I’m a femme, perhaps that’s obvious. When I started dancing a butch girl started to give me the I-want-to-fuck you eye like I’ve never seen before. She was pure butch with short hair but slender and blue eyed and basically attractive. I was confused actually by my response. I am not attracted to butch girls. And I’m not a passive bottom either. I felt very drawn to her and a little scared actually.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? No planning.  We danced, she got close, I knew she wanted to fuck me. I don’t want to be crude but I was super wet.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had a drink at the bar. She wouldn’t let me pay.  She had a great smile. We danced some more and she led me by the hand down the bathroom corridor and pushed me up against the wall and grabbed my hair and humped her body against me.  She put her hand under my skirt and rubbed me.  I couldn’t fucking believe it. I had never felt dominated before EVER. She took us the hell out of there to her scummy apartment, crap all over her bedroom, threw me down on the bed and ripped my clothes off – literally, she tore a strap on my dress. She pulled my panties off, pushed my legs apart, went down on me hard for a minute then started fingering me hard until I came. It hurt me and scared me even though I came from it. Then she tried to fist me. She never kissed me…it was fucking brutal.  After I came and twisted away from her fisting she got on her back with a big smile and said something like you are a beautiful bitch baby.  I gestured with my hand to get her off and she pushed it away.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? I did, not her. An awful humiliating quasi-rape orgasm that left me ashamed.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? none

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Turned on, novelty, out of control, yielding emotion that took me over….

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Not much

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I lay there and then called a taxi.  She got my number but I blocked hers later. Expectations? That I never see her again. This was not sensual, or respectful, or kind, or truly sexual.  It was an exercise in abasement. For months I was afraid I would run into her or that she would stalk me or something.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody except this anonymous site for very obvious reason

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? You tell me.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes indeedy.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Self-knowledge was the best thing.  Worst I told about.  I remember this experience a lot. Nothing like it has happened again. But it told me that maybe love matters more than I ever thought.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Look, butch girls can be romantic and kind.  This butch was just a piece of work. I think she fucked me like this because I am a cute and in those days innocent looking femme. It was a conquest for her. Period.  Talking about it here gives me a cortisol rush like you can’t believe.

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