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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Hospitality
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? slightly over 100
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none

Cheap Motel

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 week ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met Josh at a Halloween house party. He was dressed as a clown and I was dressed as a tree goddess. I don’t remember how we started talking, but I remember that he initiated the conversation and that we briefly talked about basketball; I knew right away the he liked me. I told him I was about to leave and go to a warehouse party and he ended up showing up there. I was hanging out with a few friends, an ex lover who I still hook up with from time to time and a 21 year old who I had met at a party way earlier in the night (before I met Josh). I knew I was going to go home with the 21 year old so when Josh asked me for my number I pulled him around a corner and told him that I could only give him my number in secrecy because it wouldn’t be nice to hurt the 21 year old’s feelings. I showed him my underwear which was part of my costume and I remember he made me laugh. My feelings towards him were pretty indifferent, I was distracted: Halloween is sensory overload, and I was inebriated and buzzing from a bit of MDMA and cocaine I had done throughout the night.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After Halloween I had decided to do a month of sobriety, which failed miserably when I found out some bad news. Josh texted me a few days into November asking me how sobriety was treating me. We began texting a bit and made tentative plans to go for dinner. A few days before our dinner date I met up with some friends for a drink after work. While I was sitting and sipping on bourbon and playing catch up a relatively handsome man came up and said hi. It took me a moment to realize it was Josh because I didn’t really know how he looked behind all the makeup from his Halloween costume. I was relieved and we got into a heavy discussion. An old friend of mine came up at that moment who turned out to be the mutual friend that we had in common who had invited him to the Halloween party. The three of us decided to go to a warehouse party I had heard of and wanted to check out. We ended up doing a bunch of cocaine throughout the night and telling each other stories about ourselves. I found out Josh is a recently divorced psychologist, he has a few children and hasn’t moved out of his ex wife’s house yet (I sure know how to pick them). After that party we went to another after hours spot with a few friends, but we just ended up drinking beers and doing a bit more blow. Josh was super drunk at this point; he fell over a few times and was trying to make out with me every chance he got. At 7:30am we stepped outside into the blaring sunlight and talked about how neither one of us wanted to fall asleep alone and how we both wanted to cuddle. The catch though, was that neither one of us were able to host, so Josh suggested his office and then in a flash pointed to the seedy motel across the street and grabbed my hand and pulled me into the lobby. He rented a room and that’s where the hookup happened.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Josh tore my clothes off the second we walked into the room. He fingered me, I gave him a blowjob, he went down on me. I like rough sex and I like to be submissive. He choked me and pulled my hair. I told him to call me names like a “dirty little whore” and I told him to fuck my mouth. He did all of it. I felt no intimacy or emotion during the sex, it was purely physical. I’ve developed a pretty unhealthy approach to intimacy and sex because of a series of bad relationships. I am reflective of it now and can see it for what it is, I have sex like an addict and it’s not good. I wanted Josh to fuck me, I told him that I really wanted to feel him inside of me. He was suffering from coke dick and he was passing in and out of consciousness but he did manage to get erect and there was a bit of penetration. I masturbated while he (kind of) fucked me and I had an orgasm. Josh was very into the sex and pleasing me. He was very eager to please, I think a big part of that has to do with the fact that he just came out of a 10+ year marriage. After I came, it became apparent that he wasn’t going to finish so I told him I needed to take a nap. We cuddled in the freezing cold motel room and woke up way past the checkout time.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? When we woke up we both quickly struggled to find our clothes. Luckily, I had a hair brush in my purse because my hair was matted into almost-dreads. He seemed anxious because he was supposed to be spending the day with his children. He called me a cab and I got in and immediately told the cab driver that I wasn’t a prostitute. I lost my favourite push up bra in that motel so I was a bit choked. I was really hazy but when I got into my house I started to feel even worse. I’m sure my dopamine levels had something to do with it, but it all started to sink in. I also realized that I had a bed bug bite (I’m super allergic) from the motel room so I panicked and put all my clothes in a garbage bag in fear that I might have accidentally brought them into my house. I had bruises all over my body – like covered; usually sex bruises make me laugh and feel liberated, but on this particular day I wasn’t happy.
Josh texted me and said hi a few hours after I arrived home. He apologized and asked me if we had sex the night before because he couldn’t remember. I told him we had (barely), but that yes, there was definitely some penetration. He then told me that he got herpes over a decade ago from an ex-girlfriend who had gone down on him while she had a cold sore and that he was really upset because he couldn’t believe we had slept together without him filling me in before it all went down. He said he only gets one or two outbreaks a year and that I have nothing to worry about but that he had to be honest with me. I have never had an STI before, the news of this led me to a Google-search frenzy. I freaked out but maintained a calm disposition through our correspondence. It’s been a week, I haven’t noticed any changes or lesions or bumps or blisters, but this was truly eye-opening.
I’m supposed to go for dinner with Josh next week, I think I need to just to clear the air and feel less horrible about everything that went on that night and the next day. I don’t know how I feel about Josh, he seems like a nice enough person, but I would have to get to know him under very different circumstances to assess how I could potentially feel for him. The reality of the situation is that he is newly single and the prospect of being anything more than friends is probably unrealistic.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, To feel more desirable, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Cocaine

How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Cocaine

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told one of my best friend’s and she was amused and a little bit concerned. I saw my mother a few days after and she noticed the bruises on my arm and on my neck and freaked out and told me she was worried and that I should go to the doctor. She started to really get upset so I just came out and told her they were from sex, she looked horrified.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I was reckless and put myself in a position where I could have ended up with an STI. I regret not being more careful. I think I would have felt very differently if the setting and circumstances were different.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing was getting to know Josh, and the sex was pretty hot. Also, we cuddled for awhile under the sheets and had some laughs. He told me I was beautiful and usually I just roll my eyes when I hear that because it’s so cliche, but I believed him. It was sincere.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I slept with someone before we went on an “official” date in a cheap motel and woke up covered in bruises and a bed bug bite. Also, the STI scare. I felt SO defeated the day after.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, big time, which is why I’m submitting it. When I went for my last STI screening my doctor handed me some pamphlets about sex addiction and passed along some information about sex addict anonymous meetings which I am now going to attend. I’ve realized I have a very unhealthy relationship with sex and intimacy and this particular incident has motivated me to get some help before I put myself at greater risk for disease and/or harm.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Nope

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is great if it’s safe and consensual and if the motives are healthy. I’ve had lots of fantastic casual sex but I’ve also turned to sex in moments of weakness and vulnerability to fill certain voids. Humans are pleasure-seeking creatures, it’s easy to lose perspective and balance. I’d like to see the stigma and attitude surrounding casual sex change because I think sex can be a wonderful and healthy thing. There needs to be more dialogue – sex needs to stop being condemned, if there is more talk surrounding it then we can find healthier ways to engage in it.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s fantastic. It’s a step in the right direction.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!