What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? Australia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Never been with a woman but curious.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 days
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? ‘A’ is white, lean and strong, shaved l light brown hair, with tattoos that point to his occupation, a tongue ring and some ear piercings. He dressed simply but well, neutral colours, jumper and jeans. We had exchanged a few emails, photos and texts prior to my driving 40mins from the burbs to his inner city apartment to fuck a stranger. I felt nervous but excited and I trusted my instincts about him being someone I’d like and feel safe with.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? A (along with hundreds of others) contacted me after I’d placed a Craigslist ad for a fuck buddy. What led to the ad was a 15yr marriage that had almost never been sexually satisfying, which had been completely sexless and devoid of intimacy for the last 3yrs (since the conception of our last child in fact), and a husband who constantly threatened divorce and said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore, resulting in my self-esteem being at an all-time low. Planning was definitely involved, not least to organise babysitting.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I had a cup of tea and we chatted on his sofa a little stiltedly (we were both clearly holding back information), till I asked him what he was thinking. He said, ‘I’m thinking you’re beautiful’, then kissed me. I felt awkward for a second, then realised I was enjoying the kissing and got lost in the moment.
We went to the bedroom, stripped ourselves and each other and had 2+hrs of delicious, affirming, energetic sex with a surprisingly emotionally connected interlude in between sessions.
It was the first time I’d had sex with a stranger that was such a perfect ‘fit’ – our pace, our connectedness during sex, the easy way our bodies always moved together into whatever position we were in, everything matched beautifully. I’d had mind-blowing sex with long-term partners before, and decent sex with strangers, but never mind-blowing sex with a stranger before. Honestly thought I (or everyone?) needed real closeness to have such effortless awesome sex. It was a revelation.
We kissed a lot, even while fucking, which was a huge turn on. We moved around so much it’s all a blur of positions, though I’m glad there are plenty left to try together next time we meet. He was really attuned to whether it was working for both of us and was inventive about moving us around to something better. I lost count of how many times I came. He came twice. I masturbated with him inside me, paused and watching me, and when I convulsed around his cock he fucked me hard and fast. I didn’t expect to come so frequently but I came within minutes each time, and was so slippery wet his cock always slid in quickly. It was the first time I thought it might be possible to just slide right into my anus instead of taking a cock carefully inch by inch, but we didn’t try. I never got to take my time sucking and licking his cock because whenever I tried it got him so hot he had to plunge into me.
Whenever he looked straight into my eyes it was as though he’d done something sexual. I understood what it meant to feel electric. Afterwards, trying to analyse the attraction, I realised that he isn’t exceptionally stunning – he has a decent body, a thick satisfyingly big-enough-but-not-huge cock, and a cute enough though fairly unremarkable face. It really was just chemistry.
When we took a breather, we were both dry-mouthed and out of breath. We drank water and lay entwined and talked. He asked if I thought it was worth continuing despite the distance. I initially thought this would be a once off but I said I’d have to find a way, because this was brilliant. He laughed and admitted that that was all he could think about, making it worth my coming back.
We talked about our partners. He hadn’t had sex with his wife in a year. I told him my husband and I loved each other, but it was just too difficult between us, and I thought this time he really meant divorce. I was sad, and didn’t realise I was leaking till he wiped a tear away. He told me not to feel guilty. I didn’t. I needed this to feel human.
It was a bit of a buzz to hear he was a name in his field (I googled after to confirm, when I was looking at his Facebook photos as a fix to stop me texting him). But in the middle of a work story, I licked his nipple and he came to a dead watchful stop. I told him to go on, but all of his attention was completely focused on what I was doing. I sucked and played with his cock and we had another glorious fuck.
After, I felt shy walking around naked and took the sheet around me to go shower but he took it away, kissed down my body and said he meant it that he thinks I’m beautiful. I was still embarrassed but it felt so good to hear.
I showered while he smoked on the balcony and then we talked about making plans for next time, kissed and I left feeling happy and sexy. I felt him watching me cross the road from the balcony.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I feel and felt brilliant. I keep remembering the sex, getting very turned on and fantasising about next time. I have to hold myself back from contacting him. He’s equally keen to engineer a repeat.
I hope we haven’t set the bar too high so that a second hookup will be inevitably disappointing, but I somehow don’t think so.
I’m a little worried I like him too much. I barely know him but that connection while we lay in bed talking, and his kindness, made me like him. I hope it doesn’t get in the way of being fuck buddies.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To feel human.
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Absolutely mind-blowing sex.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it had to end.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, yes and yes (see above).
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish I’d had more casual sex all through my life instead of putting up with enforced abstinence from long-term relationships that atrophy. I’m loving it now, but there’s risk involved. I wish it were just seen as a human need, like the need to exercise or be outside.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I applaud it.
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