What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? China
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? foreign language teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve know the man for about seven months but never was actively speaking to him. I had a boyfriend for six months and when I broke up with him, he starting messaging me out of the blue. I knew it was more than just friendly interest, and I liked it. He is Chinese and doesn’t speak any English, but I can speak Chinese. He has tattoos,which I think are very attractive.He is my age and my size. He dresses like a gangster/rapper. I think he’s very cute and attractive, I’ve always thought that since the first day I met him. I started giving him English lessons about a week ago, which I guess drew us a little bit closer.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? No planning was involved at all. We were at a friend’s house (she’s his cousin’s girlfriend). I went back home early, and got a message from him about an hour after that, asking if he could come to my house with a smiley emoji. I knew what was going to happen, obviously and said, “Yeah, go ahead then.” He came, I was already in bed (it was about 2AM at that point). We talked a bit, watched videos, played some games, and then he undressed and joined me in bed.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I pretended to go to sleep (I had to wake up at 5AM on the “next” day), he hugged me and asked for a kiss, and two seconds later we were having sex. He was a little bit all over my face with the kissing, as if he never had done it in a while (six months, he told me later). We did it twice that night and once the next day. I couldn’t feel anything (sexually), but I was happy having him in my bed, just with me. Whenever it ended, we laughded and hugged, it was sweet. We talked a bit too, couldn’t really sleep. I spend a lot of time caressing his face and touching his body, which is something I like to do with my lover. Sexually speaking, there was very little to no foreplay when he did it. I think we both felt awkward having sex with each other, but it helped that we could smile and laugh about it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning we woke up, he took a shower then I took one, he helped me make the bed, and then left to our friends house (it’s the building right next to mine). He told me that I could finish get ready and then come. The four of us spend the next day together, but there was no sign of affection from him, nor from me. No kissing, no holding hands, we barely talked or touched each other. I felt weird, but not really in a bad way. I was very tired too. I didn’t have expectations for the future. This is the first time I have something like this happening. My few hook-ups have always become my long-term boyfriends. I am going back to my country in a month though, and have no idea when or if I’ll ever be back here. We talked the same night on the phone. I told him that it was the first time, and I felt awkward, and he said it was. He said that I was going away soon, and there was no point really starting a relationship, which I completely agree with. Still, he reminded me how good it feels to have someone to hug at night, and someone to kiss. I was doing fine being single on my own, and now it seems hard to get back to that. I would’ve liked having him as a boyfriend, I guess. He’s cute and I’ll miss touching his face. We decided (I think) to stay friends and I told him what mattered the most for me is that we’re able to be together in the same room without feeling awkward, which I guess is gonna take some time. I find myself waiting for his texts as if he was more than he is to me.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to my friend first, and they all said it was supposed to happend because he and I wanted it for that long. They helped me realise I probably needed that experience to be sure about it. I am sure now that it’s not something I like to do. Talked to my parents about it too, who told me, “You should use your brain sometimes.”
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Even if our relationship before the hook-up wasn’t 100% friendship (sexual/romantic intentions), I don’t know if we’ll be able to be friends now. Obvisouly I feel like we’re closer (in a sense), but also not because we decided to stop it there. I’m scared things are gonna be awkward, and scared I’m gonna lose him as a friend.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I think the best thing was actually before the hook-up, all the game of seduction and waiting and not knowing when it’s gonna happen, and making him work for it a little bit, and all that. It definitely boosts the ego and I do like it when I know someone wants me.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The sex wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t feel anything. I had to fake a lot.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I know now I will try and avoid situations where I could have casual sex with someone. I don’t like the feeling it gives me the next day. It hurts my ego, I feel like shit, really. If I have sex with someone, it’s because I’m attracted, but not only by sex with them. I like talking to people, getting to know them, feeling like we have in common, feeling like we can share some things. I’d probably feel okay having casual sex with my best friend.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think people just need to do according to their feelings. If you know it’s gonna make you feel bad, don’t do it, even if you want to. I wanted to, but I didn’t need it. And there is also definitely people who like to do it, for whatever reasons, and people who don’t for whatever other reasons.
I think it’s something that is gonna happen in almost everybody’s life, especially nowadays and with future generations. Hooking up is a more and more very easy thing to do.
We all learn from experiences and mistakes. It’s not dramatic if you don’t like it, just remenber it for next time.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a very interesting project on a subject that we either feel like we’ve hear too much or we can’t talk about because we’re ashamed. There is no shame to have about casual sex, wether you do it or not. And it’s interesting for me to hear about it from people who actually don’t/do it.
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