Race/ethnicity: White British
Location: United Kingdom
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Religious affiliation: Church of England
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How long ago did this hookup happen? Month ago
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This particular partner was my first sexual experience. I had known them briefly through secondary school, but it wasn’t until my twenties that we became reacquainted again, during a night out. After this first initial encounter, we began irregular sex, it was always a very tumultuous partnership…but it was always made clear that it was purely sex and no relationship would come from it.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? As with all our hook-ups, alcohol was usually a massive contributor. We would only ever sleep together if we were on a night out, it was an unwritten rule for both of us. They were usually the instigator, however on this final occasion it was I and it was done face-to-face, which was rare as we only ever communicated through text usually.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Usually vaginal and oral, nothing exceptionally radical or experimental. They were a considerate lover, I never orgasmed through sex although they always did..regardless they still made it an enjoyable experience. It was never really the sex that was the main enjoyment for me, but our conversations. Before sex and between sex we always spoke candidly about a range of topics. I always felt close to them during these moments, although we never cuddled afterwards..preferring both to remain detached from the experience.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We initially used condoms. But I went on the coil and had regular STI checks. We spoke candidly about STIs and pregnancy, but mostly as topic of conversation, rather than about personal experiences.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Validation, wanting sex, initially wanting them, lack of inhibition.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol, we were both usually inebriated when these hooks up took place.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hook up took place, it seemed to take a routine. We would become rather cold towards each other..both wanting to remain invulnerable. The last and (presumed) final encounter was made different as they messaged me saying it should stop, they felt as if they were using me and it was becoming unfair… My response was one of shock as I always believed we were on the same page and it was understood to be nothing more than sex. Apparently they didn’t think I understood that, however.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends always and extremely close family. They were usually rather calm about it, however always concerned about my welfare.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, very consensual.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No, no I don’t regret this because it’s added to my life experience. Although shocked by how it’s ended, I don’t think it’s negative or something to be upset by.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about this hook up was the passion we shared. The worst thing was the involvement from other people, their friends disapproved of me and began to circulate rumours. However if anything, it’s made me stronger and my views about sex have been made positive. It’s only small-minded individuals who criticize those who enjoy casual hook-ups. No one should ever be judged for enjoying sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
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