by  Julie

Gender: Female
Age: 21
Current location: Lawrence, KS
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Relationship status: Single
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Comfortable
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Comfort Cheating

How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Someplace between friends with benefits and fuckbuddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve known R for years. We’ve gone to school together since middle school and fluctuated between constant interaction and none at all. In high school we had messed around twice, and after graduating had minimal-to-no contact for a few years. Prior to hooking up, R and I had been begun rekindling our friendship and I was eager to continue building that.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was nearing the end of a very long, drawn-out breakup with my ex, whom I had been dating for nearly 4 years. R and I had started hanging out a month or two prior to this, and would stay up late studying or talking. 
This time, we had gone out for burgers and returned to his apartment. We didn’t want to go inside so we stood on the porch and talked; it was cold so we huddled up. After a few hours we were simply standing there holding one another, our hands sometimes rubbing up and down the others’ back. It was the most comfort I had felt from another person in a long time, and the most relaxed. Every once and a while I could sense sexual tension, but we ignored it and it would go away. It was close to 3am and we decided I would just stay over. We spooned on the floor and dozed–I woke up to him gently dry humping me from behind.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was incredibly horny, but felt kind of guilty initially about what was happening. So we continued dry humping in various positions–it was probably fifteen minutes before we actually kissed because I deliberately kept my face turned from his for a while. We made out, naked from the waist up, occasionally pausing for a drink of water or to talk a little bit. It was relaxing, without demand of anything other than physical closeness, and I loved it. Shortly before our alarm went off at 7am, we stopped messing around and just talked. The most we said about what happened was me asking for him to not say anything to anyone right now, because this was really confusing for me. He said okay, and that I could trust him. I do.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Neither of us did

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We had talked herpes earlier that day. Neither of us had it, and

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Comfort. Attraction. Feeling cared for.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We had both smoked a little weed earlier in the evening, but it had worn off long before we began messing around.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt a little bit guilty for having cheated on my ex, but because of where we were at in our relationship, that feeling didn’t last for very long. I was excited for the new physical relationship to continue and to resume building our friendship. Now, we text back and forth on occasion, and get together once every 2-3 weeks to hang out and mess around. We’ve had sex once since then, and it took a few months to get around to that (at my request).

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I didn’t tell anyone about this occasion because I didn’t want anyone to judge me for cheating on my ex.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? I would not have initiated contact, but after he did, yes it was consensual.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No. It gave me the courage to end things with my ex, knowing that he was not my only source of emotional and physical satisfaction.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has made me realize that I am more comfortable having casual hookups with someone whom I know to some degree–no completely random hookups for me.
Prior to this, I had a sneaking suspicion that I was okay with cheating. Now, though I don’t condone it, I understand why some individuals do cheat, and try to help others do the same.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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