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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? India
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Hindu
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Confused

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was my cousin’s senior and we both had a lot of mutual friends but we never actually spoke to one another. He’s 22 years old, fair, good-looking, and a playboy kind of guy. I would consider myself ugly in front of him. We met at a party and I couldn’t resist staring at him. He was dancing in his own world. Our eyes met and I blushed and looked away. Then he asked me and my sister out for drinks and we both went to a bar with him and his friends. That night he dropped me home and our conversation on social media started. I was very attracted to him from the moment I saw him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After talking for the whole night we met the next couple of days for drinks. He kept his hand on my waist and I felt butterflies in my stomach which I haven’t felt in so long. But I got the indication that he’s feeling the same way. In the flow of conversation we opened ourselves to each other. He wasn’t ready for any relationship but I wanted him to be closer to me anyway. It was a planned mutual decision to hookup and being just friends. I guess we both wanted each other so badly. I agreed to his “no commitment” policy, which I now regret.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I wanted to give my best to him because I wanted to have a emotional relationship with him somehow. He was everything I always wanted in a one guy. It was the best love making session I’ve ever had. I started to love him more cause our sexual fantasies desires matched. I was never so compatible with someone like I was with him. I never liked gentle touches and he was very wild. I tried anal sex for the first time with him. It was the night I couldn’t forget for the rest of my life. We did all the oral, vaginal, anal, and kinky stuff. We both were surprisingly very satisfied.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was on the seventh cloud the next day. I felt the sense of real pure happiness after ages. We had multiple hookups after that; we’re leading into a perfect sex life. I felt I was deeply falling for him and he was getting detached. I’m still in love with him like I wouldn’t fall in love with someone ever again. He talks with me only when he needs me. He doesn’t respect me at all; he abuses me in all possible ways. The sad part is that I still can’t resist going back to him. I’m just a little undatable slutty whore for him.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Many people warned me before going to do this but I made it out. So for my friends it was something expected. No one took me seriously when I used to cry my heart out. At one point I stopped talking with people cause they only heard what I said but never understood me.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? I had a hook up with his sibling too in the past and this guy didn’t know about it at the time we hooked up. Somewhere I’m wrong for the situation I’m in now. I shouldn’t have agreed for this hookup when I had a physical relationship with his brother too. This hook up has made me lose my self esteem, lost my friendship with both of them and I feel like I have no respect for myself in their eyes. I never thought I would love someone so much. I’m confused and I blame myself every day. I’ve completely lost myself and my social image. I wish I knew this hook up would lead to destruction on this level.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

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