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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 60
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Technical
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Could I Really Suck Another Man’s Cock? Prostate Cancer Changed Me

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 Months Ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I have had sex exclusively with women my whole life and never felt the desire to be with another man. After prostate cancer and the removal of my prostate something changed. Maybe I became fixated on men’s cocks because I couldn’t ejaculate anymore and so I watched men come in porn- when I no longer could. My erections were weak, so I reasoned that stimulation of whatever nerve endings that remained of my prostate would help to make me more rigid. I began with digital stimulation while masturbating, slowly graduating to prostate massagers, then dildos. Once, without touching my penis, I fucked a dildo and achieved the most mind-blowing orgasm of my entire life! Afterwards I found myself watching Trans porn and fantasying about sucking their cocks and them fucking me. Can you imagine that completely different perspective on sex? I still watch hetero porn, I love sex with women (especially cunnilingus), but I now had a new, almost uncontrollable desire to have gay sex. Someone suggested a bi/gay website. I checked it out and posted a profile with a picture of my cock and a description identifying myself as straight looking for my first gay experience. I got a message from another married man on the website who also identified himself as straight. We text back and forth for a while. He claimed he had only had oral sex with a man a few times before. We had never met, and I had never been with a man. We spoke briefly on the phone to make sure of our desires (we wanted to suck each other’s cocks) and concerns (couldn’t let our wives find out and we were both concerned about sickness), once we were comfortable with each other’s answers, we decided to meet. What would it be like? Could I really be with another man? What would it be like to have a man’s cock in my mouth? How big a cock would he have? Would I be any good? I was twenty years his senior and my cock was hit or miss after prostate surgery, would it please him? Could I trust him? What if he really only wanted to beat up a “fag”, how would I explain a situation like that to my wife. I felt excited and a bit scared all at once.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I called him in the morning and we agreed to meet in a few hours. I quickly found a hotel room nearby for us and gave him the room number. He knocked on the hotel room door. I looked nervously through the peephole. We introduced each other using our online names. I offered him a beer and we both talked about nothing, it was awkward. Not knowing exactly how to begin I walked into the bedroom of the suite and told him we should start. There was not really any planning. I bought beers and brought condoms and lube if we needed it. I doubted we needed much as we both agreed we wanted oral sex. I guess I instigated it, but we both wanted to do it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I began rubbing his crotch with my hand, then unzipped his pants. I looked at his dick and decided I should just go for it. I put it in my mouth and started sucking it. It became firm in my mouth and that excited me. He pushed me away and stripped off all his clothes, I did the same. We stood grinding our cocks against each other. I pushed him down on the bed, I really wanted to suck his dick and balls. It was fantastic, I never realized I would get that into it, it made me moan with pleasure as I sucked. His cock was average maybe 6″, to my surprise I could take him all the way into my mouth. I can’t describe his cock very well, but his penis was not at all like mine. Mine had a well-shaped head that stood out from the shaft, his was like one continuous shaft only slightly different at the head, where mine had a well-defined hole at the end, his more a tiny slit, barely visible. His balls were very small compared to mine. None of these things put me off from sucking, licking, stroking him. He told me he wanted to suck me, I was not fully hard, but enlarged, his mouth felt warm and exciting on my cock. My wife had not had sex with me in 6 years, this felt like heaven. I could feel my cock thickening in his mouth, I wanted to suck him more. We got into a 69 position and enjoyed each other. Suddenly he asked if I wanted him to cum in my mouth. I said, “not this time.” He pulled out his cock and came on the pillow. There was the tiniest bit of cum in my mouth or a least around it because I could smell that bleach smell. He sucked me and tried to jerk me off, unfortunately, that day I couldn’t keep an erection so I told him it was ok to stop. He was very considerate. I showed him my bag of sex toys and lubes and demonstrated the use of a vacuum pump on my cock. He sucked on my swollen, purple, pumped up cock but the tension ring wouldn’t stay on (he jerked too enthusiastically) so we stopped again. I thought he was a lot of fun and kind of a beginner like me. He also had great respect for my wishes and didn’t just shoot cum down my throat without warning. His consideration made him a good lover. My inability to have an orgasm along with his limited availability brought it all to a close. We talked about my cancer, a little about our work and agreed to try it again. He left and I went to check out.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt guilt, confusion, excitement. I had the most amazing erection that night in a dream about the encounter. I hoped I could get around my guilt and continue the exploration. We text each other and tried to coordinate our schedules but it was difficult. I had really hoped we could be FWB, we talked about other things we wanted to try (rimming, fucking). I hoped to get to know and trust him enough to let him cum in my mouth. Something went awry, however. He spoke once about how it was a shame we could not spend the night together and I responded, “that ain’t never going to happen”. We agreed to meet that weekend, it never happened. I tried several other time to contact him but soon gave up. Maybe he wanted something else. We never kissed and both declared revulsion at the thought. Maybe he wanted romance, but this wasn’t something I was seeking. I had declared that early on. I could suck another man’s cock, maybe even fuck him and enjoy it. but I could never be romantic with a man. I think I’ve moved past the guilt. I guess I’m bi for a man’s cock, but not his heart. I’m disappointed this particular arrangement didn’t last longer, but I’m still willing to explore.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A longtime friend. They were supportive.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The excitement, the discovery, the sex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The guilt.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has made me aware of a part of sexuality that I never really understood existed. I better understand some of the risks I exposed myself to then and am trying to establish a better approach in the future. It has made me understand what bi-sexuality really means and make me regret not allowing myself the opportunity to try it previously.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is a good thing if disease could be taken out of the equation. The ability for people to freely share pleasure with one another without consequence is an opportunity to better no one another. I wish everyone could experience the freedom from guilt to enjoy sex without bounds. The entanglements of love and commitment can make that difficult.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a great opportunity for people to see other’s real experiences and thoughts about casual sex.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!