What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York, NY, USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student/retail
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Sex positive
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Around 25?
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Cultural Immersion?

How long ago did this hookup happen? A few weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We matched on Tinder in the morning. He was reasonably attractive, if in a generic-young-white-man kind of way, and said in his bio that he had studied abroad as an undergraduate in northern Germany, where I partially grew up. We talked a little and established a time and place to meet. I had just ended a relationship and I missed having casual sex so I was open to whatever happened, it was mostly out of boredom.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met that night and took the subway to his apartment. He asked me a lot about growing up between the US and Germany, which is something I’m used to making small talk about. When we got to his apartment, we drank a few shots each and we talked a bit more. We both knew what was going to happen and were following the socially acceptable pre-hookup formula.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Where it gets weird is when we had been making out for a bit, we were both semi-undressed, and he started talking in extremely broken, heavily American-accented German. I tried to humor him but I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say, and finally he asked me, in English, to yell at him in German while we were having sex. I’ve had people tell me that my bilingualism is hot, but I can honestly say that yelling at someone in another language is not a request I have ever had before. I was so put on the spot that I just awkwardly agreed, and then he put on a condom, and we started having sex while I was trying to sound convincingly domineering. About five minutes in I ran out of things to say. The sex was really mediocre and I wasn’t convinced of his understanding of the German language, so I just thought, fuck it, and I started making a grocery list out loud in the most aggressive tone I could muster. Eventually, though, I said a word that he understood (‘Kaffee,’ coffee in English) and he looked me dead in the eye and asked me why I was talking about coffee. (Side note: through this whole debacle he was holding my hand and making these weird whimpering noises. He would not let go of my hand. It was very weirdly intimate.) I made some bullshit excuse and started yelling at him again, and he started whimpering and squeezing my hand again, and finally he started going “ja, ja, ja” and finished. He seemed really, really into it. It was honestly the weirdest sex I’ve ever had. Afterwards I counted down from thirty and then told him I was going to leave, and by the look on his face I thought he was going to pledge his undying love to me or something but instead he just started talking about how his father had been strict with him as a boy. I got dressed and told him again that I was going to leave, and he said “German is such a beautiful language. Thank you. Danke. Auf Wiedersehen.” and left it at that. I had no idea how to react so I took a can of beer from his fridge and called a cab and got out of there as soon as possible.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? It made for a great story, if nothing else. I hope that this young man gets the therapy and/or German dominatrix that he truly wants and also that I never again have to interact with anyone who wants me to be either/both of those people.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, I was feeling lonely, Boredom, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Well this was a while ago, but at this point a lot of my friends know about it. For the most part they thought it was as awkwardly hilarious as I did, and teased me a bit for going along with it. I still don’t exactly know why I did, I guess it was just so weird that I didn’t know how else to react.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? The poor guy was just so into it. He messaged me a bunch the day after, saying how hot I was, and how great it was. Finally I just replied saying I was only looking for casual sex, and that he seemed like a cool person but I wasn’t looking to meet up with anyone from Tinder more than once.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The story I got out of it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The sex was really mediocre. It was also sort of weirdly fetishizing to be told to basically fulfill the ‘angry German dominatrix’ stereotype for this random Brooklynite? I was also 19 at the time and this guy was like 27 or something so all in all a weird experience. Just weird. Weird is the best word I can think of to describe it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I guess I had never experienced a degree of discomfort with a hookup that wasn’t to the extent where I was genuinely frightened enough to be okay with just leaving. I never had my boundaries tested without being crossed, if that makes sense, and this made me a bit more aware of that I’m not as ‘down for anything’ as I thought?

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!