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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Southern Germany
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Freelancer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? +/- 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1

Cyber Sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2008

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met the guy at an opening in a tiny alternative restaurant in Hamburg, where he was having a drink at the bar with a friend later in the night. I was there also with a group of friends and we started to chat. Someone decided to move somewhere else and so we went to a club where we hung around and talked a little bit more. My best friend who was with me and at whose father’s place we wanted to sleep decided to stay with a guy she had a fling with. The guy from the restaurant offered that I could sleep on his couch and I agreed. I didn’t feel very attracted to him and I was also in a relationship at this time. When we were at his flat we talked and listened to music and he tried to turn me on and convince me to sleep in his bed. I still didn’t feel attracted and had my moral concerns, so I decided to take him at his word and sleep on the couch. When I woke up the next morning and he was away for work I was a bit disappointed of myself and the missed chance to have casual sex beyond my very boring relationship.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I wrote him a letter with my number and told him that I regret that we hadn’t had sex. Then I left his apartment with the conviction he would contact me never ever again but a few hours later, when I was at the train back to Southern Germany, he sent me a dirty text which made me horny immediately. I spent the whole 6-hour train-ride dirty texting and went twice to the toilet to masturbate cause I was so turned on. I wanted more. During the next days we continued our correspondance abd added explicit photos. We soon switched over to Skype for further communication, but we just sent pictures or short films of our genitals or of ourselves masturbating abd never talked to each other. But the most exciting part was we were still the texts! He was very demanding and expressed his desires in a rude way that totally turned me on. I have to say I still didn’t feel ultra attracted by his body but so much by his dominant behaviour and his words. And by the fact that we were totally strangers to each other.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The thing between us evolved to a long term cyber fling and lasted nearly a year. There were periods when we skyped whole evenings and nights and there were moments when he texted me in the middle of the day after we hadn’t heard from each other for several weeks. The funny thing is that we have met twice in reality during that time and it never came to sex!! But the cyber thing continued without losing any sexual excitement. I really needed something like this in that time, when I was in the final throes of a complicated relationship that didn’t satisfy me sexually at all. But in the end my then-boyfriend spied my phone and found some pictures of this guys penis which suddenly seemed more embarassing than arousing to me. I’m not sure if the fling continued very long after I split from my boyfriend but at some point the thing had run out of steam.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I have still hundreds of photos and films somewhere on my computer and my horror vision is that my daughter may find them any day (my boyfriend once stumbled upon them and mocks me with it from time to time). We have several mutual friends and I always have to chuckle when anybody is talking about him. Somehow I think we could always and immediately restart this thing we had.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Learning new things, experimenting, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told it to several friends. They liked it very much when I recited his posing instructions for the pictures. But I didn’t show them his photos.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? When I feel very bored I can read the dirty chat protocols of our “relationship”.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I hurt my then-boyfriend.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I had never tought that imaginary sex could be an option much less fulfilling. And for me it was much more thrilling in this constellation than the cyber sex I later tested with partners whose body parts I really knew.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I started to experience with casual sex when I was 18 or 19, after my first relationship broke up. It was and is a very important part of my sexual, emotional and mental emancipation. Now that I am a young mother in a momogamous relationship and currently not interested in having casual sex I still feed on the experiences I made.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!