What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Dancing Then Sex in a Van
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was out dancing with some friends. There was this guy on the dance floor who I noticed, probably because he was tall and had curly hair and a friendly face (all things I like). We started dancing and we had a natural and easy rapport immediately. I was already fairly intoxicated at this point. I was attracted to him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I knew as the night progressed that I wanted something sexual to happen with him. I wanted him to come home with me – he was from out of town, about to embark on a big trip, so I knew he didn’t have a place. I don’t think I said anything to him, though, because we were having such a good time at the club, and I wasn’t quite sure how to broach it. As the lights came on to indicate it was the end of the night, he said he didn’t want the night to end. I told him my place was available, but he said I should come with him to the friend’s where he was staying. His friend had also picked up a girl, and the 4 of us taxied home together. We hung out for a bit in the living room of the condo, then Dylan took me to his van where he was going to be living/travelling for the next few months.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was really late at night, I was still a little drunk, but having a lot of fun. We had intercourse. I found him very friendly and easy to relate to in bed. Affectionate and fun. We definitely talked quite a bit about ourselves. I think the next morning I blew him – I am pretty sure he got me off, too, but I didn’t want oral from him, I think I might have been concerned about being stinky after a night of dancing/sex. He had a penis piercing. We talked about family, hometowns, travel.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? In the morning we walked to a coffee shop to use a washroom and get a coffee. I think I felt pretty bohemian for having spent the night in a van with him. We hugged goodbye and I took the bus home. We had discovered that morning (sober by now) that there was a pretty big age gap between us. 15 years. Though I lied and said I was about to turn 33 rather than 38, because I felt weird and didn’t want to weird him out. I felt halfway proud about having sex with someone so much younger. I look back on this as a fun night, but also realize I was really floundering in my life at this moment. I had been in a love triangle gone wrong, and was completely brokenhearted. I needed that fun and carefree night to reclaim a bit of my self and my ego that were so damaged.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends, positively.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He was cute and fun, I liked playing with his curly hair, it made me feel adventurous.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I hoped he wasn’t weirded out by the age difference. And the whole experience did not cure my broken heart. It was a very short distraction.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Maybe a little bit. I wish I could have more of these experiences, but my city is small, and I am a teacher. I feel very confined sexually by these factors.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It has been mostly positive. I worry about the role alcohol and drugs play in sexuality for so many people, including myself, I have had a negative hookup where a lot of drinking was involved, and my ability to decision make/say no/consider consequences was impaired. I was surprised and frightened by my own lack of agency, and this has contributed to the fact that I haven’t sought out casual sex since that time. What I would like to see changed is how little most men care about sexual assault, how little they know or understand of pleasure and about women’s sexuality.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Super interesting, but just from browsing titles, I imagine there are a lot of dudes lying about their experiences. I think men are generally very dishonest about sex.
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