Location: San Francisco
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Relationship status: Single
How religious are you? Not at all
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 27
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Friends With Benefits
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? “Cameron” was tall, dark haired and broad-though fit. It was the first time I felt as if I were hooking up with an “adult” man. We went to college together and met at a house party. Before sleeping together, we were friends for a few months.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I think our sexual escapades were always about to happen. We had this explosive chemistry that was impossible to ignore. Because of that, neither one of us can claim the role of “instigator.” Instead, it felt completely mutual. Cameron used to come to my apartment, we’d make small talk on the way to my room, then have crazy passionate sex and part ways shortly after it was over.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Cameron was amazing in bed. I always had orgasms—usually multiple—just from basic boring penile-vaginal penetration. There was a little bit of kink to it. He was really into biting, spanking, mild choking. I loved it (except when the bite marks lingered). Cameron always orgasmed too and he never had any erectile dysfunction issues.
After sex, we talked about intellectual things. We had similar political opinions and read a lot: making conversation was never an effort. I honestly thought of Cameron as my friend. He was always sweet to me, but I can’t say the same for myself. I refused to cuddle with him and began dating another guy without telling him.
Part of the reason I did this was because I was slightly frightened of him. Cameron got obsessive. He would call me between 8-12 times on any given party night—even after we stopped sleeping together. If I didn’t pick up, he’d continue. When I did answer, Cameron would remain silent regardless of how many times I said “hello” or directly addressed him. Then, Cameron started sending me ultra aggressive sexual text messages. Occasionally, he would contact me in fits of anger that I never understood. I became terrified of setting him off. Things got so bad that he deleted me from all social media platforms and (supposedly) his phone.
After three years of silence, he contacted me and apologized profusely for everything he did. It was nice.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used condoms sometimes, but he was so big that they would rip. I was on birth control for much of this time, so we agreed to get tested for STIs as frequently as possible.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Magnetic sexual chemistry that has yet to be replicated in another man.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Usually, neither were involved. That being said, we did have a fair share of drunken stoned hookups.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I really liked Cameron, but his behavior prevented me from craving a romantic relationship with him. Our rendezvous made me happy; if I were having a bad day, I’d look forward to hooking up later. After he left, I was always in a good mood.
Since he apologized and admitted he was facing some issues that have since been tended to, I would be open to considering a romantic relationship if our paths crossed again. However, I wouldn’t simply jump into it: I imagine I’ll always have concerns about his state.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My roommates knew, as did other friends and my family. In short: everyone. After he got odd towards me, my parents expressed concern for my well-being (as well as his, though they never met him). Friends thought it was funny—just another token crazy single girl story!
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Abso-fucking-lutely consensual and wanted on my part. Same for him. I still send him “happy [holiday]” texts, just because of the good memories.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No regrets.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The BEST? Definitely the wall-shaking orgasms he caused me, as well as the insatiable lust we possessed for each other’s bodies.
The worst aspect is how uncomfortable he made me. I didn’t have a great history of involvement with stable men to begin with, and this worsened a lot of already broken trust. This brings me to my second best: his eloquent apology ultimately restored faith I had in him, as well as men in general.
This hook-up taught me to exercise caution when engaging in casual sex. It’s never safe to assume that two people are consistently on the same page.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
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