What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? San Angelo, Texas
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Pharmacy Technician
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last Week
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She has long curly brown hair, a long torso, and medium length legs. She is about 5’4″ and weighs no more than 130 lbs. I knew her since the beginning of the year, and we’ve been friends for most of that time. I met her at my school when playing ultimate frisbee with our club. I always thought she was attractive but I never thought she was very smart. She’s hard working but not gifted in the way I first thought she was. When I first met her I had a girlfriend that I was not crazy about so I believe that’s why I thought she was attractive.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began in my apartment with a couple of friends who came over to play dirty Jenga (like the average Jenga game, but with activities written on the blocks that you must perform as you pull them from the tower). There was no planning. She pulled a block from the tower that stated she must kiss me, so she did. For 30 minutes. I obviously did not retaliate, but I felt bad for the other people in the room. So I asked her to take them home and come back to my place. She obliged and was back in 30 minutes.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When she came back she started kissing me, then we made our way over to the bed and started making out there. Before we started anything sexual, I asked her if she was sure this was something she wanted to do. She told me that she wanted to and so we began to have sex. It started orally, then it moved to “traditional” sex and ended with oral sex. Throughout the hour and a half that we had sex, I felt a mixture of emotions. The first was a sense of pride. I had shown myself that I could get a girl to come over to my apartment which meant I wasn’t all that bad looking and I had a decent personality. Then I began to feel regret as I soon found out that she wasn’t as good as my first sexual partner (the friend I hooked up with had been my second “traditional” sexual partner). The last feeling that I had was one of contriteness. I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t have a good a time as she obviously did. After I orgasmed we cuddle and I fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later and asked her if she wanted to stay. She said that she had to study for a chemistry test the next day so she should probably leave. I walked her out, then fell asleep until I had to go to class the next day. Before I fell asleep I had mixed emotions yet again. Again I was content with the fact that I brought a girl home, but at the same time it didn’t mean anything and that upset me. I could tell she had developed feelings for me in the short time, but I hadn’t done the same. I almost felt empty.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I didn’t text her and went through my normal routine. The day after I got in touch with her. We talked about being friends with benefits, and the idea appealed to both of us. We decided that the other could still date other people, but if we needed a little pick me up that we’d be there for each other. We had sex again that week and it was even worse than the first time. I don’t feel anything but remorse.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to a few of my friends about the hookup, and some were shocked while others were inquisitive. Most of them couldn’t believe that I had a hookup and now had a FWB.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I don’t like to feel regret nor do I like to be confused emotionally.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing had to be that I became more self-confident. I now know that girls want to have sex too it’s not just a bunch of horny guys walking around.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feeling empty after mediocre sex.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I think casual sex is something that I will use, not for simple sexual pleasure, but rather for finding someone that I might want to engage in a serious relationship with. I definitely understand why people have casual sex and I am much more open to it. Also, it has made me less judgmental towards people who do have casual sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m scared to tell my other sexual partner before this hookup because she is my ex-girlfriend who I still tell everything to, and I feel as though it will hurt her. The last thing I want to do is lose our friendship over something like this.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex shouldn’t be bashed as much as it is, however at the same time its risks should also be focused on. That way young inexperienced people like myself will have a better understanding of what they are getting themselves into and can make rational decisions about when, where and who they have casual sex with.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad it exists! It has given me an outlet to put my feelings down on “paper”.
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