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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? United Kingdom
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? PhD student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 0
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Escaped From Drunkard

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was my only flatmate. He moved in for about two months before this hookup happened. We chatted a lot both face to face and on apps ever since he moved in. He was very proud of his sex life and told me about his hookup experiences and dating history. He has two kids but is not married. He always stripped off his shirt whenever he came back from work. Although I complained to him, I must say he is muscular and well-toned. I sort of enjoyed talking to him and hanging out with him and might have a crush on him, although his story does not sound like a person I could be serious with. He was not very thoughtful and helpful in the flat generally. He also always compliments my eyes and legs, though he has been wondering why I don’t do makeup, dress up, or keep long hair.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? There were two events leading to it. It first started when he invited me for a dinner and got me drinking. Perhaps because of alcohol, I let loose and told him a lot about me, including that I am a virgin and have no luck in dating. Back in the house, we were watching TV together in his room, when he started tickling me. After that day, I let him tickle me every now and then, and I started to hang out in his room more. He sometimes would stroke my hair. Then perhaps one week after, one night after we went for grocery shopping together, he gave me whiskey to drink, and we started talking about life and agreed that we were just enjoying each other company due to convenience. Suddenly, he shut me down from talking and started massaging me. He was very dominant, and I just let him do whatever he liked and closed my eyes as I really didn’t know how to respond. At one point he unleashed my bra strap. I was a bit nervous. He took off my shirt and started massaging my tits. I was closing my eyes as I really was not sure if I wanted sex yet.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The next day after our foreplay, he was so kind and made me coffee. We were going to my friend’s flat for a party. At the party, he kept giving me whiskey while he drank a lot. At home, he kept saying he needed to cuddle and invited me to his room. I felt tired from the party and told him off. When I was in my room, I overheard him vomiting, so I came out and fetched him a glass of warm water. He suddenly grabbed me into his bed. He told me to just lay with him, he wouldn’t do anything. He started stroking me sexually but I begged him not to because I really didn’t feel ready in this situation and we never talked about it. He started kissing me, held me on top of him, and made me kiss him back. I felt scared and his voice sounded fierce. I kept saying no, but he shouted at me saying ” I have seen you naked, and you have seen me naked, why can’t we?” Then I gave in, but I insisted he must have wear condom. He immediately got off me and went down to lick my private part. I did not feel good at all, though I tried to grab his hair, as movie scenes show. It lasted very short. When he got up, and I thought he was going to penetrate, I asked for the condom. He was angry that I kept asking, but stopped and just laid beside me again and cuddled me. I felt relieved, thinking that it is cool just to sleep like this. Then he started his stroking again.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I sent him a message saying that it was too forceful. He saw it in the morning and called me over to talk about it. He said he felt silly and he was drunk but accused me of going into his room. He begged me not to tell anybody. We actually reconciled after I expressed my anger and went for breakfast before he went back to his hometown. At night, he messaged me saying that he actually had feelings for me. We tried to be a couple, but no holding hands or sex until 3 weeks after. He said we were too different and broke up, although he still demanded me to hang out with him or let him tickle me which I did not want to.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, Submission / Relinquishing power, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave a clear ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend. She was glad that I stopped it as the guy was totally drunk and dominant.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I really didn’t want it.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I understand now that for me, sex must happen when the guy is gentle and not drunk. I would only feel nervous if it is with a guy that I do not yet have a connection with.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Every now and then I still have flashbacks about it and feel silly for a guy that actually made me feel he took women easily. I know women choose to have sex with him, but the way he put it made me feel he was humiliating women.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I don’t think casual sex is my thing, and I do not crave for sex as much as I used to after this not so good experience.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I respect people who choose to have casual sex, but at the same time, because of this guy’s remarks, it makes me feel that being a virgin or less sexually experienced or not wanting casual sex becomes the new stereotype being looked down on. I hope that people could also respect those who are less comfortable with casual sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I actually enjoy reading most of the stories and came to realize that this is not my cup of tea. The erotic stories seem more real than what porn portray which is good for me who is less sexually experienced.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!