What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We had several mutual friends, but we didn’t really know each other beyond our first names. Is run into him out at the bars a few times, but never really considered him before that night. He’s tall, fairly muscular, blonde, and has an intriguing attractive quality about him.. Boyish but very masculine, comes across as very quiet and introspective. He wasn’t exactly my type at the time, but he was attractive enough for a romp.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was extremely sexually frustrated and things were getting a little weird with my then FWB, so I started scoping out options. I definitely wasn’t interested in a relationship, but wanted a regular sex partner, or even a few one-night-stands. I met a guy, several years younger than me who lived a town over, and I went drinking with him. He was a mess, but I went back with him anyway. He’s not actually who this story is about though, so I’ll leave or all the details as to why I left mid-coitus. It was just awful.
Drove back to my town, disappointed, so I went out to the bar. Noticed another guy I’d met a few times was there, and my mind started wandering. We played pool, exchanged numbers, he went home and I stayed out. He texted around 3 am, asked if I got home safely. I told him I was still out and trying to sober up before driving across town. He offered to let me hang out at his house for a while since the bars were closing, so I went over. I still wasn’t completely sure if I was interested or to what degree, but we smoked and watched TV on his couch, when suddenly he started cuddling up to me, asking if it was alright. I realized right then that I definitely did want something to happen. We hooked up for about an hour and a half, then I went home. In my mind, this was just gonna be a one-night-stand, though I did enjoy myself. We didn’t discuss anything afterwards, just kinda left it for a few days.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The sex was actually fairly vanilla, which is funny in retrospect. We had vaginal sex, I think we might have exchanged oral too. He was decent, seemed to be a pretty attentive and respectful sexual partner, but I didn’t see fireworks or anything. He did text to make sure I got home safely though.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day, I woke up thinking “well, that went much differently than I expected”. I intended to wake up with one guy in a different town, but I woke up in my bed after the worst sex of my life followed shortly by some pretty good sex with someone completely different.
He texted me a few days later, and we meet up and played pool, but we didn’t hook up. Then a few days after that, he showed up at the bar and he invited me over again. That second time was when I noticed the crazy intense sexual chemistry I feel with him. He was raw and animalistic, oozing passion. That night was also the night I discovered that a little light choking REALLY does it for me.
We hooked up regularly for about a month or two, never really discussed it was, I think we both just intuitively knew it was to be strictly casual.
About 2 months in, and everything was going fine, then a mutual guy friend warned me that I might get hurt by this guy. I assured him nothing was emotional between us, just sexual. Within the next few days, I noticed him growing a bit distant, flaky, and not as sweet. He declined invitations back to my place a few times, and I finally texted to ask if we were done fucking, and that it’s fine if we are. I decided the ball was in his court from now on and if we hooked up, he’d have to initiate.
He didn’t initiate for about 2 months, though we continued to flirt heavily, and he even randomly kissed me a couple of times before we parted ways. There were lots of mind games flying around and I started to get frustrated with him.
Finally one day we were hanging out with some friends and someone made a joke alluding to us hooking up. He joked back, and I got a little sassy about the fact that it hadn’t happened in a couple of months. A few hours later he was leading me back to my apartment, and we’ve been hooking up a few times a month since, though the cat-and-mouse games are still very strong.
The weird part is that his roommate has become one of my best friends, but I still barely know my fuck buddy. His roommate did tell me I was supposed to be a one-night-stand too. Guess we both failed on that front.
I think I do have a mild crush on him, though it’s nothing I’m really planning on pursuing. He’s not really the relationship type, he’s definitely a player, and I’m still enjoying my freedom. He is a very nice guy though, and I enjoy spending time with him in and out of bed.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Just some friends. They were mostly pretty supportive. One was concerned I’d get hurt.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He’s *fantastic* in bed, and I feel a ton of sexual chemistry with him. Everytime feels like I’m sleeping with a completely different person, so it’s never boring. He’s an amazing kisser, and seems to intuitively know what I want.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was supposed to be a one-night-stand, so we never discussed fuck buddy terms, we just play it by ear. He’s also very about the chase and playing head games, so sex is infrequent and I don’t feel like I can just text him anytime I’m horny like I could with other fwbs. I also want a stronger friendship (not relationship) with him, but I get the feeling he’s trying to keep distance and avoid emotional attachment, and I don’t know how to explain to him that I’m very good at being just friends with sexual partners.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I’ve always been very sex-positive and have had more casual sex partners than committed ones.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex seems to be pretty common, but I wish it were easier to just discuss it without fear, expectation, or assumption.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very interesting!
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