What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? South Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? PhD scholar
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
First casual sex experience
How long ago did this hookup happen? 20 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him through an online forum. I was looking for casual sex experience with someone I would be comfortable with. I talked with a few guys online, had cyber sex with a few including voice and cam chat, but never really got comfortable enough (and desperate to have sex since I had not had sex for almost 2 years) to meet them until this one (Lets call him D). D is 20 years older than me, so 49.
We shared contact on KIK chat and chatted for a while before deciding to meet. He was married with 4 kids and I was married too but living separately for about an year due to my troubled marriage. D and I shared pictures. I wasn’t quite attracted to him but I needed sex badly and he seemed nice so I decided to go with it. I was very nervous but excited too and demanded that we drink a little before sex, to which he agreed. He asked me what I wanted to drink and where. He also booked the hotel room for us. Something came up on the day we were suppose to meet, so I deferred and he readily agreed, which was a positive sign for me that he very likely would not be coercive. All these things made me feel better about actually meeting him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The day arrived and we met in the city. He looked at me, smiled and hugged me and I reciprocated. We then talked casually about me being new in NY (almost 4 months), my PhD program etc. as we walked to the hotel room which was quite nearby. He checked in as I waited and we took the elevator to the room. Talking consistently, rather answering his questions, actually took my mind off my nervousness. He got the drinks but we never drank a drop. We entered the room, kept our bags down and he started to kiss me. I had not even taken my coat off. I stopped him, took my coat and boots off and we started kissing again only to get naked within seconds and under the sheets.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We were kissing vivaciously with his hands on my breasts, which I loved. He took my nipples in his mouth and soon went down on me only to give me the longest oral I have ever had. My husband refrained from giving me oral for he thought it was “dirty”. But D was licking me hungrily, fingering me and fucking me with his tongue. I liked the licking and fingering the most but not as much the tongue fucking.
At first I felt that my vagina must be smelly (which my husband used to say), but D never uttered a word and kept licking me for the longest time, making me moan at times. He kissed my legs, thighs, clit and vulva and came up to kiss me on my lips. He then said “my wife doesn’t like oral at all, giving or receiving”. Then I went down on him only to make him excited enough to give me oral the second time. This time I actually had to ask him to stop ’cause I couldn’t take anymore. He stopped, came up to me, kissed my neck and asked me if I wanted him to make love to me. I said yes. So he got down the bed , took a condom out his bag, put it on his already hard cock and came back to me. He slowly spread my legs and penetrated me. I couldn’t stop moaning for he was slow and gentle, looking into my eyes, sometimes clasping my hands and hair. I did sit on top of him but it hurt for some reason, so we went back to missionary and soon he came for a good 10-15 seconds (which he later mentioned was the longest orgasm he had had in years). I recall that I moaned but did not have an orgasm. One thing that i really liked was that he held my foot warmly in his hand while kissing me. I just felt a sense of intimacy in that particular act. We then cuddled and chatted for a while, sharing intimate details about our personal lives. We wanted to make love again but he did not get an erection the second time. That made me disappointed a little because I wanted an orgasm. But I did not put any pressure on him. We cleaned, drank some orange juice he got for the alcoholic drinks, he left a tip for hotel service and we left.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt good after we left, like happy, smiling to myself. No regrets at all. When I reached home, he messaged to ask if I had reached home safely and I loved that gesture! I guess I looking for sex, sensuality and intimacy which I got from him and that made me feel really good. We continued to chat on KIK. He would message me and we shared how good each of us felt and talked about other things we liked only to discover our common interest in art and books. I did want us to meet only once, fearing that meeting regularly may cause trouble for both of us (both of us were married) but he expressed interest in meeting me again in the hotel room itself. He told me that he would gladly accept whatever my decision would be. After a few days, I told him that must not meet again for sex but I was okay if he wanted to hangout. We saw a movie together but we did kiss in the theater. He messages me almost everyday and honestly, I always have smile on my face whenever I receive a message from him. We are planning to meet again for a visit to an art museum and sex as well. I am a little scared but to keep my mind off him, I’m looking for other partners on the same online forum and informed him about it. I have expressed my desire to talk about our situation and he is on the same page. I look forward to meeting him soon.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. We shared our feelings with each other.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I wanted to experience casual sex and it was not as frightening as I was made to believe. I felt confident about myself for taking control of my sexual desires and meeting a person I like.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I did not have an orgasm. Sometimes I am fearful I might fall for him romantically.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It can be fun and exciting. Marriage does not assure happiness or good sex life. Why cant we be ourselves and do what we like? way too much stigma about casual sex, especially in the culture I come from. It impacts our decisions about our own bodies and desires. I feel the need to keep it discreet even though I want to talk about it, precisely why I am sharing it here and wrote about it in my personal diary.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? D and I are becoming good friends but I dont want us to be fuck buddies for a long time.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I want to engage in casual sex more because it makes me feel better about myself. I am beginning to think about how important sexual compatibility is in a relationship.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great initiative, loved the Tedtalk.
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