This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Amsterdam, Netherlands
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: I am spiritual, getting into Anthroposophy
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? intense, warm, playful, kinky, loving
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
First Date Sex
How long ago did this hookup happen? two months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My sister got me a date via Tinder as a birthday present, so I had no idea who it was, though we had talked on whatsapp. We met on the Albert Cuyp market and went to a cafe to talk a bit. The guy was from Ghana (looked like Moses Sumney you should look it up) and very handsome, so I was quite impressed. He was my age but already was a physiotherapist which turned me on because I like intelligent men who have their shit together. Anyway because the night before I had my first one-night stand that totally failed, he felt like a warm shower. Also, he seemed very easy going and sensitive.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After we had two drinks he proposed to smoke some weed so we ended up in a coffee shop with a joint, which I usually find lame but it all felt very natural and spontaneous so it was okay. We ended talking about music a lot but outside it was cold and we couldn’t really hear our phones trying to show each other songs. Then he said: “I know it sounds weird but my place is actually very close by so we could go there” He seemed okay so I joined him in his place, which was really nice, probably because of the colored lighting he had. We talked the whole night, showing each other music and smoking the rest of the joint. The conversation was really nice and easy going and at some point he said: “Would it be weird if I wanted to kiss you right now?” I joked that I would want to kiss me too and then he kissed me. BEST kisser ever. Hands on my back: MAGIC TOUCH (physiotherapist, remember?). He then proposed to go to his bedroom to try to sleep the last 2 hours before he had to go to work.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The sex was actually pretty boring but fine. We started making out and he fingered me. Then he went down on me which was not his best point so I pulled him back up. He then took a condom out of a drawer next to his bed and put it on. He was a bit awkward because he didn’t really let me see his dick or do much with it, it was a bit weird. Anyway it felt good, he fucked me missionary, then from the side with one leg up, which was pretty nice. It went pretty smooth but I didn’t come. He did cuddle me all night which was nice. I was totally under the spell of his beauty because his body was ripped as fuck and his skin was almost blue. It was a bit of a dream, so it didn’t feel wrong.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He cuddled me and the next morning we had sex again, this time I was on top, which made him come quite fast. He said that I had found his weak spot. I was just hoping that this was my next boyfriend. We showered together and got dressed separately, then walked to the tram because he needed the train. It was a quick goodbye kiss. The next week we were supposed to have another date, but it was actually quite lame: netflix and take-out food, and another fuck. The next morning felt superawkward because he was very silent. I felt more vulnerable than I wanted and after that we never spoke again. My hopes were superhigh because I really needed a deep connection with great sex because my ex spoiled me with sexual pleasure. Now I realize that he had not so much humor and that he was actually quite an awkward person even though he said the he was a very warm person just like me. Could have been a trick.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends and family. My friends shared the joy of finally getting laid after months, and my family of course was right about the fact that this was never going to work. No one judged me, my family made jokes.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I had sex on a first date which made the second round of intimacy weird. I prefer to have gotten to know him first because he seemed like a beautiful person that will only really open up after a while. Now I blew that. In the end, I just projected many soul-wants on him and hoped he fit that description. But he was not my soul mate, so it was just not meant to be.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? the dream-like atmosphere
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? it ended with a sense of mutual disinterest; our connection was way less inspiring than I first thought.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It affirmed that I don’t like casual sex at all when I am too desperate to feel a certain type of way. That way I open up and make a fantasy and end up hurting myself. Casual sex is either a fail for me or it is with a person that I feel so comfortable with that it always ends up with more love than we both intended.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I secretly hope to see him again.
His ass was more beautiful than mine.
I just wanted to love too much.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? In my experience it has done damage. I can see it in my sister and I can feel it. I just want to be loved and to truly love a soul mate and casual sex just sells that fantasy for one minute. I also learned that guys first act like this is a special thing and then turn 180 degrees around and turn ice cold. I feel that it makes it so hard for people to be genuine and open up to each other and let each other in. It seems that people go all in right away and then get scared about the consequences. It also distracts us from doing what we are supposed to be doing in the world. Like the world is on fire but I am feeling shit all day (and cannot focus) because a random guy who doesn’t even deserve me is not responding on fucking whatsapp. so sad.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love the project!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!