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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? South Asian-Bengali
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? London
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Muslim
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Curious/bi
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Mostly straight but turned on by gay sex
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1

First Ever Sexual Experience

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This was my first ever time having sex of any sort, never been with a man or woman before. Been having gay thoughts for a while (probably 2 years on and off). One day I thought to myself this might be a “phase” but I’ll never know if I don’t try. Also didn’t want to have sex with a girl cos number 1. It’s hard work getting a girl into bed and 2. I’d rather wait for the right girl. So I decided that id try explore my gay thoughts so I went onto the app store and searched gay dating and downloaded the one with the most downloads lol -Grindr. To my amazement it was location-based and there were sooo many guys within walking distance of me! After talking to numerous guys (and many wanks and pic exchanges later lol) I was fairly familiar with the “gay terms” and started talking to an older white man in his mid-50s.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? So we talked for around 2/3days before we actually hooked up. We had agreed beforehand that we would take things slow and just kiss and have oral sex (me receiving). He was really cool about it and totally understood that I was probably very nervous and reassured me that he won’t force me into anything. Being curious and Asian Muslim meant that being G discreet was very important to me! He understood this and told me not to worry. So we agreed to meet up at around 11 am. I told my mum I was going to meet some friends as you do. I walked out my house horny af and walked towards his house which was literally 5mins away. Only 4/5yrs before this I used to walk through that road and past his house every Friday to go karate so was familiar with were it was. ( Was around 14/15yrs old during my Karate days) . He had told me that he was mostly a bottom but would be vers for me if I wanted, which was very nice of him

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? So I messaged him on Grindr when I was outside his door as I wasn’t sure if I should knock or not. So he opened the door, and he greeted me with a big smile and looked me up and down. I was super nervous so shook his hands and took my shoes off. He said to me oh wow you really are skinny aren’t you (was 45kg ) and smiled again. He took me through to the living room and we talked for a while probably 5mins and asked each other about what we do for a living. I slowly felt more comfortable and noticed he had pictures of his wife and kids who were older than me. So I asked him and he said yh, and that he came out approx 10yrs ago. He moved closer to me and touched my thigh and asked if I wanted to see the rest of the house..He had a very nice house and he showed me the bathroom which he was fixing up himself since he is a plumber. The final room was the master bedroom he had porn playing in the background just in case I needed it to get hard, but I didn’t look at it once. So we sat on the edge of the bed and looked at each other and started kissing. He was hold but had a nice beard, which felt amazing when we were making out. I instantly got an erection and he slowly moved his hands from my body to my thighs and then 😉 he felt the erection and asked me if I wanted to undress. I said yes and he helped me undress which made even harder. He quickly undressed himself but we both left our boxers on.(to my later disappointment) we kissed for a couple more seconds and he asked me to lay down on the bed. For a man in his 50s he had a decent body not fat and not skinny. Then he started kissing my body, and my nipples then took my boxers off and said “wow you beauty” and came up and kissed me then proceeded with sucking my dick! I didn’t know where to put my hands so sort of was just touching his shoulders lol. The experience was mind blowing out of this world I remember looking at him and thinking this is definitely the best decision I’ve ever made. I knew I was close to cumming and told him I’m about to cum, he looked up at me and winked that’s when I knew he was going to swallow! And I instantly came and he swallowed every last drop. I had never felt so much satisfied in my life!

But sadly slowly this turned to guilt then panic, as he started kissing my body again. I quickly told him to stop and said I’ve had enough can I leave. He said of course and asked me what was wrong I told me that I feel guilty and that it was amazing but too much for me to take in. He understood and watched me get dressed and he also got dressed. He told me I was great and I apologized for leaving and cumming to quick, to which he said at least you didn’t cum in your pants, which he said has happened to him. We walked downstairs and I put my shoes on and turned around and said bye and shook his hand. He asked if I wanted a kiss, to which I said no because I just wanted to get out of there! After leaving his house, I had another problem I couldn’t just go back home cos it’s been less than an hour. So I decided to walk 20mins to the shopping center. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and what had just happened (in a good way) and started to smile to myself and got another erection at this moment I wished I had stayed longer! I was still feeling bad and was thinking about the religious complications cause I know I had committed a great sin,sex before marriage and gay sex. After an hour of walking around the shops I walked back home. And decided to go on Grindr and message him. I opened it and saw he had sent me some messages saying I was great and not to worry about leaving earlier than expected. I replied back thanking him for the experience, and he said I’m more than welcome to come back anytime. I told him all my emotions and he said I should come back soon as I’ll be more comfortable. Then we started talking about what we’ll do…He asked me if he could eat my ass! Which sounds amazing and said I could fuck him. I told him I loved kissing and he said I was a great kisser. (It was my first ever kiss too at the age of 19 lol)

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I still couldn’t stop thinking about him and had numerous wanks. Then Friday came..As most of you may know Friday is special for Muslims as a special prayer takes place in the mosque. Upon entering the mosque I felt so bad, the lowest in my entire life. And made I promise not to recommit the sin and to stop watching gay porn and having gay thoughts. I got home and just deleted my profile without telling him. I kept this promise for a week and a half then started having gay thoughts I wasn’t even watching gay porn. Then I felt like I had to get in contact with him and tell him why I deleted Grindr. So I reinstalled Grindr and made another account and messaged him stating my name if he remembered me. And why I deleted it… Again to my amazement he totally understood and told me to take my time and not rush…Tbh this just made me want him more. But I listened to his advice and we carried on talking for 2 weeks without meeting up, we had agreed to meet up but I bottled it and canceled a couple of hours before and again deleted Grindr and told me the reason…This time I carried on having gay thoughts but didn’t reinstall the app. And lost contact with him and was not actively looking to have sex. All this was in early September so I was going to uni in a weeks time. I would come home every 2/3 weeks for weekends and couldn’t stop thinking about him. Then it was Christmas holidays (3 weeks) and I decided to meet up with some old school friends. After meeting them, my mum called and said my cousins had come over. So naturally I took the quickest route home which happened to pass his house! As I was walking past I just looked up at his house next thing I know he pulls up in his car and he is smiling at me. Damn I was so hard and really wanted to go in and have sex, but something stopped me! Maybe the fact that I had to go home and spend time with my family….So rudely I just said hi asked if he was alright and then started walking away. After my cousins had gone I started to think what I had done and I felt super bad! Like he has been an angel to me from the start and I couldn’t even have a conversation with him! But at the same time, felt good as I felt God was proud of me. Then it was Jan and was back in uni (good distraction for me) but summer holidays soon came around and I was still having gay thoughts throughout the year so I knew it probably wasn’t just a “phase” maybe I’m bisexual. However I had lost contact with him and still can’t stop thinking about him a year on! As mentioned before he left his boxers on so I didn’t get to see his dick 🙁 that sucks tbh lol. I’ve driven past his house many times and have seen his car so I know he still lives there.
Should I just go knock on his door? Or should I walk past slowly and see if he comes out? Maybe he has moved on and is in a relationship? Maybe he isn’t interested in me anymore.
Any advice on what to do. Recently in uni I’ve met this hot girl I like I dont have her number yet but plan on getting it. So this is another factor which is putting me off having gay sex. Advice would be much appreciated thank you

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Didn’t talk to anyone, no one knows. Gnna keep it that way, see myself as curious/bi. Find girls attractive can’t say same about guys but am turned on my the idea of (gay) sex

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? Religious reasons, plus might feel guilty when in a relationship with a girl

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Losing my virginity. (a bj counts right lol)

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Being too nervous and not staying longer and not staying in contact

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nothing wrong with it. If I lived alone I would probably do it often

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Amazing platform

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!