What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Montreal, Canada
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? bi-curious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 16
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
My First Fuck Buddy
How long ago did this hookup happen? August-September 2016
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was ginger, tall and well-built. He had no sense of fashion but seemed very honest the first time we met – he was a tinder match who asked me on a brunch date. He did not look at all like the pictures but since I newly arrived in town, I went with the flow. Because I had previous bad relationship experiences, I told him upfront that I was looking for something fun and with no strings attached. He seemed to understand but I had the intuition that he was looking for more. However I did not listen to this feeling and let the date continue.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After the brunch, he suggested that we went to a park so I thought of this random park really close to my apartment, without thinking twice that could let him think that I was sexually interested in him. So, we were hanging out in this park, he started kissing me in public when I told him I was not comfortable with PDA and that I was on my period. He pushed it, and since I did not know how to say no, and that I was for the first time on my own in the city with no parent in the apartment i just thought why not.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I brought him back to my apartment because I knew none of my roommates were home. We started fooling around: touching, kissing, getting naked. He did not seem to care that I was menstruating so we went further down the road. He started masturbating me, which was really intense. He then asked me to give him a blowjob, I did it and then he decided to go down on me, which led to the 69 position. With perspective, I do not enjoy 69 because I can either focus on pleasuring my partner nor can I focus on my own pleasure – but it was a first for me so I let it slide. He asked me if I had any condoms, and I did, I had one condom that did not fit him so we decided on the heat of the moment that we would not use protection. I really regret this even though I do not have STIs because it is my responsibility to be safe if I want to be sexually active. That being said, we fucked for 15-20 minutes until my menstrual blood was all over the place, which caused him to lose his boner. It ended in me handing him tissues and me showering to clean myself. He was quite vocal about his needs while I was submissive and couldn’t say a word.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After hooking up, we decided to be fuck-buddies with no strings attached. I was very happy about this conversation because I really liked his dick and I disliked him enough to know that I would not fall for him. I really hoped that we could respect the terms of our “relationship” because I was not ready for something serious. Now, I feel a bit foolish and see myself naive for believing him when he said that he only wanted to fuck because it did not meet my terms. We did not define what “fuck-buddies” meant to one another.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my close friends and my roommates about it, they seemed happy about it because they knew that I wanted that for quite a while.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I regret this hookup because he manipulated me during the time we were seeing each other and I did not put my foot down when I became aware of the situation.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sex was really intense and good, he knew how to please me without verbal explanation of my needs.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? His emotions and how he manipulated me because I was young and inexperienced.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It did not really change how I think of casual sex, however, it did teach me to be more specific with rules and asking my partners what they want exactly because I’ve learned that parties get hurt in the result of lack of communication. So since then, I’ve tried to communicate my needs and ask my partners’ what were theirs.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? During the two months, we were fuck buddies, he honestly said that he was seeing another woman and that he thought he was in love with her – but he still wanted to see me. I was ok with that because I got exactly what I wanted out of him, however, when I mentioned I might see my ex because I missed him, he threatened me to kick me out of his place because I was talking about how I would leave him for another man.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex for me is a good way to learn about myself and how I deal with the other party because I came to the realization that I had a hard way to express what I felt, needed or wanted in everyday situation. However, since I became more vocal about what I needed in bed, I became more vocal and more conscious of my needs and desires in life.
Its role in society is very controversial because we glorify casual sex as “empowering” yet, all my friends who experienced it slut-shame themselves. I believe that there is a lack of education when it comes to relationships and sex and our models are wrong (aka pornography and Hollywood movies). Our expectations and the stereotyping happening in these models really shape our minds and this is wrong. I would really love to see the word “slut” disappear in our vocabulary and that we actually educate people about sex and we accept it as a normal need. However, it should not be “normalizing” sex and making it ordinary, because sex is not ordinary, but it should be something people should feel confident about and have the proper motivations to have casual sex.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think the Casual Sex Project is a good platform to provide a channel of communication amongst people, where they can reach out and express things they were too afraid to say. Verbalising experiences like this can be extremely therapeutic.
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