What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Germany
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Psychologist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Queer
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Approx. 41
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

First Hookup After My Breakup

How long ago did this hookup happen? in 2009

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup?

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a blond, blue-eyed (& cute) guy in his mid-twenties. We met at his New Years Eves party (I was friends with one of the other hosts. We had met before according to him, and he knew me a little, but I didn’t remember him from any previous encounters)

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We hooked up at the party after we had a heated and nerdishly sexy discussion on evolutionary psychology and the psychology of sex.
He later pulled me into a dark part of their hallway and kissed me. I wanted to hook up with him but was shy and didn’t want anyone to see us, so I pulled away and said no, not here. He then showed me his room…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out heavily and undressed each other. There was a lot of fingering / mutual masturbating.
During the hookup, I felt extremely cared for, as he was a very attentive and tender lover and I enjoyed the intimacy very much. He was kissing and touching me all over my body. We made out naked til very late at night/ early in the morning and then spent the rest of the night cuddling a lot in our sleep.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, I woke up before him and stayed around in his bed and checked out his bookshelf. He woke up catching me reading notes in a book he was embarrassed to have read and we discussed some of his books and theories related to them for a while before we got up and I eventually left his place.
The day(s) the hookup I felt passionately excited, energized and very fondly about the encounter (even though I had my first hickey, which I found to be an unpleasant and childish marker of male territorial behavior) since I liked the guy and the experience. It was very empowering to have a no strings attached hookup for the first time, esp. since I had unhappily been in a monogamous relationship for a long time and was starting to feel horny and lonely in my newly single status.
At first, I had no future plans/expectations and liked that it was a no strings attached adventure.
But as we stayed in touch via chat/messages on social media and telephone and ended up having steamy nightly chats of increasingly explicit nature, my romantic feelings for him took over more and more and I became intensely emotionally attached. We then hooked up again at another party and had (vaginal) sex and ended up arranging discreet meetings for sexual encounters (mostly including oral and vaginal sex) on several occasions. One morning he drunk dialed me and I told him I loved him and that kind of overwhelmed him and ruined things.
But our relationship stayed friendly with varying degrees of emotional intimacy through time. For over two years he became somewhat of a “rebound romance” guy that I would seek affection from when some other guy had hurt me badly since even though I knew he didn’t want a relationship with me, he made me feel safe and warmly appreciated.
We are still friends but almost every time we end up getting intimate or sharing a lot of emotional intimacy, my intense and permeating romantic feelings for him return.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened,

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time?

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My mom noticed I had a hickey, so I had to admit hooking up on New Years. I didn’t tell many people and I don’t think I gave anyone the whole picture since we both were very discreet about our fling and due to the level of intimacy and complexity of the interpersonal relationship. The few people I told (I remember telling my cousin that I wrote a guy I was having a fling with a love letter and that he didn’t feel the same way) mostly felt sorry for my one-sided romantic feelings.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Incredible levels of physical intimacy and the most romantic feeling sex (from the way his touches and kisses felt) ever had with anyone.
Also wrote one of my best love poems so far inspired by one of our hookups.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? See “regret“

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, at first I felt much more positively about casual sex, both for myself and for women, people in general.
Since my feelings and the nature and dynamic of this fling have changed several times, my relationship with this man has led me to re-evaluate my feelings and my conclusions on the pros and cons of casual sex several times as well.
On the one hand I wouldn’t want to have missed our encounters and this odd friendship/romance, but on the other hand, catching longlasting romantic desires might be more harmful to my overall well-being over time.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I might share one or two stories related to this hookup/sexual partner as separate stories at a later point.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? This story is mostly systematic for how I feel about casual sex. I enjoy the sense of adventure and/or romance a lot when I like the person/ have a great personal encounter and find sexual chemistry, but too often when hooking up with men, I catch feelings and either am hoping for more right from the beginning or start wishing for more after casual sex.
Due to many hookups, I have developed a reputation as being promiscuous, which is something I have a love/hate relationship with. I wish I didn’t have to fear about society’s views of female promiscuity affecting my career / societal status.
I also wish we didn’t have a double standard for men and women (even though I am somewhat guilty of holding one myself) or could at least narrow the gap.
I don’t see myself as a typical person, who is into casual sex. Casual sex, as defined on this website, usually wasn’t „casual“, but romantic or otherwise interpersonally meaningful for me.
I also wish society was less monogamy–oriented. I define myself as mostly non–monogamous and find it hard to find a partner who would want to commit to a Non-exclusive longterm relationship.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great project to document the diversity of hookups for qualitative research (though I have some doubts on the accuracy of stories submitted) and to bust myths about casual sex.
Recently I calculated my promiscuity score with a measurement developed for an international study. When comparing myself to their average I seemed to be way off the charts. Then I realised that the study included only undergrad students. Since I have had most sexual partners starting in my mid twenties, I believe better data on (female) sexuality over a lifetime is needed.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!