This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? PhD student
What’s your current relationship status? Less than an open relationship, but certainly more than a casual affair
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? about 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
a first kink exploration
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? short-term affair that gradually becomes more meaningful
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I had met him once before, about a week earlier. He had already suggested going back to his place that night, and against my habit, I had declined. I cursed myself afterward but had had such a good time during this first date that I did not want to create the possibility of a mere one-night-stand.
Originally, we had met online via a dating app. It was one of the dates I had been looking forward to the most because there was a great sense of common interest and humor in text messages alone already.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had already said that we’d meet again on our first date. When we met the second time, it was pretty evident that I would not be going to my home this time. I suggested one of my favorite bars, and as is still the case, that was easy enough as a plan for the night.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? At some point, I am sure we must have talked about how I would feel about making this something like a play scene. I do not remember the details but I am sure I consented to obey, to be slapped and to be restrained. He told me he wants to be addressed as “sir” and that I have to beg permission to come. I gave him a blowjob on his couch after we had caressed and kissed each other for quite some time.
He kept fixating my wrists with one of my hands, or even only telling me to keep my hands behind my back or on my head when he was caressing me. Ever so often and ever so slightly he probed how I reacted when he slightly pressed his hand around my throat before or after kissing me and I moaned and pressed my throat into his hand to show him that I liked it.
I was very aroused in my submissiveness. I could not really keep my hands to myself back then, and I knew he was just as aroused. He asked me whether I would like him to fuck me but I had to ask him to do it, please. He pinned my hands to the bed. He did exactly that, in a very classic way me on my back and him between my legs first – slowly, carefully, only eventually increasing speed a few times for a short moment. He then told me to get on my hands and knees, an order that I enthusiastically followed because I like to be taken from behind. He was again careful to build tempo and rhythm and to vary it just at the moment that a particular rhythm could have built up to an orgasm.
Finally, he told me to lie down on my stomach completely and switched to a very passionate, harder rhythm. I was moaning loudly by then and he reminded me that I have to ask permission to come. That being groaned in my ear lead me to immediately ask that question. He came a few thrusts after me with some really guttural groans.
After resting a while on my back, he lay down beside me and invited me to lie close to him. He thanked me and I returned the thanks. We kept on talking about the sex and other things for quite a long time. We agreed that I should sleep over at his place and so we eventually went to sleep together cuddling.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was enthusiastic and energetic the next day and felt really good about having done something that so far only had been a phantasy – with both parties enjoying it very much.
At that point, I only hoped to see him again for a few more nights like this.
By now, I know exactly well that this (and more extreme forms of BDSM) are what I enjoy most in bed, and that the two of us have great chemistry and dynamics when it comes to this kind of sex. On top of that, we also get along in “normal” life very well and meet on a regular basis. There’s a lot of laughter in and outside the bedroom. We are still figuring out how serious this relationship is exactly, but are thinking about buying me my own collar.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To my two best friends. They were, as always, laughing and teasing me about my many dates at that time but also saw that I was even happier than usual. They were happy for me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? My BDSM phantasies for the first time got a real outlet. It was great to explore it with a partner who was always attentive and alert and very patient in introducing it.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It could have gone further.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? In most ways regarding BDSM – I now admit that it is a genuine component of my sexual desires, not only my masturbation phantasies.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Sex is an important part of my life, even though I was a late starter. But my desire for it has always been large and only since I moved I had the right environment to endorse that casual sex is simply ok and fun and safe if you take the right precautions.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a great project and I hope it will get people to talk more openly about sex.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!