Age: 20 at the time
Current location: PA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
First Kiss (And Other Things)
How long ago did this hookup happen? Almost 2 years
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Short fling
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met at Oktoberfest in Argentina. I was studying abroad, and he was stationed there in the US Navy. You can imagine he was a big, tall, burly guy. Blondish, blue eyes. (I could tell he was American not by his accent in Spanish but by the fact that he made eyes at me from across the way for a while before he approached…rather than just coming over and grabbing like any Argentine would do.) Long story short, after talking with my friends and I for a while, it was brought to his attention that I’d never kissed anyone before. My friends chanted, “BESO, BESO, BESO!” (The word for kiss in Spanish.) So he shrugged, leaned in… and I panicked. He immediately backed off, then I decided I did want to kiss him. He was very kind and patient. I felt respected.
Mostly, I thought he was extremely interesting because he was a) living abroad, in a country I loved and b) 12 years older than me. (Hee hee.) But he also reminded me of boy who broke my heart in high school (and middle school)–in a bad, bad, bad way.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We planned to meet up in the capital, where I stayed with my family for a month after my study abroad program ended. We set a date that worked for both of us to hang out. We talked about it before in wonderfully clear, direct terms so he knew that I was not planning on having sex with him…but that we both definitely wanted to make out and see where it went from there. I texted him the night before to confirm we were still on for the next day, because it had been a while since we’d spoken. I fell asleep before he finally responded… very, very early the next morning. (Turned out he’d been partying with some friends, as they do in Argentina, and hadn’t gone to sleep.) He said he was sober so I said, “What the hell. Why not.” He picked me up at something like 5 am. We drove down to the river, watched the sun come up, and made out in the park (also as they do in Argentina.) Then we went back to his apartment, theoretically to sleep, since we were both tired, but that’s definitely not all of what we did.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He made me feel like a princess. I’m sure I was goofy and awkward–definitely nervous as hell–but he made me feel sexy and–more importantly!–safe. When I let him (much sooner than I thought I would), he went down on me like no tomorrow, with no expectation of getting anything back from me. (I had to practically beg for him to let me try to reciprocate.) And he was really good at it. He was sort of a sloppy kisser though, but it was still nice. We showered together. It was fun mostly because we were comfortable enough to laugh and joke with each other. For example, when I fell in the shower, it could have been embarrassing but it was just funny.
He did also take me out to one real dinner date–my first, and so far my only.
In between, we talked about everything and anything: what life would be like if we lived on the moon and had space dogs, what our kids would look like, best foods in the country, relationship histories, what our families were like, favorite phrases in Spanish. He’s the only guy I’ve met that’s as chatty as me!
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? MANY.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Wellllll we really could have done more to prevent STIs. But we decided that for emotional and physical health reasons, we were not going to have actual penetrative sex. Pregnancy was the main concern, I guess.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? We both thought the other was attractive and funny and smart. He was kind. I was sick of being the only person I knew who’d never been kissed, and I wanted to know what I was missing. I was curious.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? None.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I left my underwear behind “on accident,” which he appreciated. Then he mailed me a brand new kindle for my birthday a month later, which completely bowled me over. We stayed friends for a while… but I finally told him that he could either flirt with me and date me when he came back to the US or we could be just friends, he picked friends only and proceeded not to talk to me. We still talk every now and then, but very rarely, and we say little.
I don’t really care if I ever see him again, to be honest, and I’m sure he’s fine without me. But we had a good time…and I still use that kindle! Why not!?
I’m not as star-struck by him now as I was at first. I think he’s nice, and he tries to be a helpful and nice person, but I think he’s also smug and patronizing without meaning to be. Being a good-looking white guy in South America, he’s practically a celebrity, and he’s always going to this party and that party… He’s more like a really mature college-aged kid that someone actually his age. And I don’t ALWAYS need advice and rescuing, buddy. But I think back on our time together fondly, and I don’t harbor any ill will against him. I wouldn’t go out of my way to see him again, but if we crossed paths I’d be happy to go out for lunch with him and catch up.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told anybody with ears, and most of my friends were super stoked for me. One of my friends was weirdly judgmental though. I think it came out of a place of concern, but I felt like she was insinuating I was a whore. (We’ve stopped being friends since then, mostly because of an argument about whether or not super heroes are sexist. Yes, really. I said they are, even though I like them. She and her awful boyfriend were extremely offended.)
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Oh yes.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No way. It was awesome! Few people can say their first kiss was as nice as mine–and I got a free kindle! My pleasure was definitely more important to him than his own, and that made it really easy for me to see my sexuality as a good thing.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Best: The way that in between kisses he’d tell me how smart I was, how funny I was, how much he liked my curly hair, my smile… all things that boys didn’t used to like about me very much. I felt special.
Worst: Biting my nipples. I said I didn’t like it, he said, “Yeah you do,” and kept doing it. There was only one instance of that, thank goodness, but he definitely lost his shine after that.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I really wanted it to turn into a relationship–I don’t know how I could not when it was such a positive experience, he seemed to have his life together so much better than the boys I knew, and it was my very first experience like that. He said no because he didn’t want to steal my youth from me. I think he was right, and I think he tried really hard not to hurt me. …But all the flirting with me, and even sending me that kindle, when I came home definitely sent a different message. That was annoying. But in the end I was more of an adult than he was when I told him to knock that off, so even then I was able to grow and learn from it. I think I definitely gained more from the experience than he did.
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