Current location: USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Relationship status: Not-quite Open Marriage
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
First Of Many Flings
How long ago did this hookup happen? Started 8 months ago (most recently 1 month ago)
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Friends-with-benefits
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve known him for 5 or 6 years, through work (we don’t work at the same company, but in the same industry so he would sometimes come to my office for meetings and we’re often at events together). After we first met we realized that even though we lived almost 2 hours from each other we have mutual friends and a lot in common. We often met for lunch/dinner when he was in town or when we were away on business trips together. Although both of us secretly felt the sexual tension, nothing had ever happened between us, until about 8 months ago.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were away at an industry event and made plans to meet for drinks. It had been a while since we had seen each other and I think with all the sexual tension, talking, catching up, and flowing alcohol, one thing led to another and we wound up back in my hotel room. I made first contact to plan to meet up so I suppose I instigated it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got back to my room and started making out but things accelerated and got hot and heavy fast! Both of us performed oral on each other and the sex was hot! I’ve been married for 5 years and although I have great sex with my husband it’s just so familiar and this was so new. He’s smaller than I expected (or really what I’m used to, I don’t know that I was necessarily expecting anything), but he knows how to work with what he has, the sex was fun, rough (spanking, biting, hair-pulling), we switched positions a lot, and he lasted a long time.
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Yes, we both did.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Neither of us had a condom so we didn’t use anything. He pulled out and I took a morning after pill the next day.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Although I still love my husband, I’m starting to question monogamy. I finally felt I needed to give in to the sexual tension I had felt with this person for so long. Also, ever since I turned 30, maybe a little before that, my sex drive has been through the roof. I want it all the time and my friend was in the right place at the right time and my husband wasn’t.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol (about a bottle of wine for me, a couple of beers and a couple of mixed drinks for him)
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The flight home the next day was rough for me. It was the first time I had cheated on my husband. I had a 3 hour flight to think about it and the guilt set in quickly. I felt sick to my stomach, over both the cheating and about having unprotected sex. I did get over it when I realized that my husband had no clue and my feelings for him had not changed, we’re still best friends, we love each other, and we have great sex. It turns out, this new friends with benefits is just something extra I occasionally need in my life.
The best option for the future would be that my husband would agree to the idea of having an open relationship; I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t know if I can sleep with only him for the next 30, 40, 50 years. We have joked about, even occasionally broached the subject of open relationships before, he claims he’d be too jealous to go through with it, but has said I should do what I feel I need to do and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him (this has somewhat made me feel ok about what I’m doing, like it’s almost allowed).
I’ve slept with my friend 4 or 5 times since then, we try to see each other every couple of months and we text each other a couple of times a week.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one, this is a secret only me and my friends with benefits knows about.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, consensual and wanted for both of us. When we first kissed he asked why we had waited so long.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I only regret that I know I’m doing something wrong by cheating. If my husband was open to an open marriage there would be no regrets.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? One of the best things was confirmation that I’m still wanted by other guys. The worst is knowing that if my husband found out he would be devastated and I could possibly lose everything. This hookup has made me continue to question & research monogamy. Are we as humans really meant to be monogamous? Can we be emotionally but not physically monogamous (i.e. 1 life partner but multiple sexual partners)?
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
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