by Julie

Gender: Female
Age: 20
Race/ethnicity: White/Canadian
Location: Canada
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Sales Associate
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic/Spiritual
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

First Time

How long ago did this hookup happen? Almost 2 years ago.

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I had never met this person before that night. We had known each other roughly 2 hours before we had sex. I met him through a friend. She had asked me to come out for drinks with her one night and I agreed. We met up with this guy that she was interested in and his friend (who I ended up sleeping with later that night). He wasn’t really the type I usually go for– he was shorter than me, about 8 years older than me, and his hair was very thin. He was funny, though, and really quite amusing.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I wasn’t incredibly interested in him, but he was cute and charming, which was all I needed, really. I was, technically, a virgin at this point. I had done just about everything but. I didn’t know what I was waiting for, really. I had never had a successful relationship where I felt comfortable to have sex. So, I thought, well…why not just do it now? No strings. I remember him putting his arm around me at one point, and the next thing I knew, we were making out. It was not planned at all.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He went down on me, first. He was quite good at it, I think I underestimated him. I had an orgasm during oral sex, but when we had vaginal sex, I did not. Since it was my first time, and I was nervous, it mostly just hurt a lot. Like, unbelievable pain. He was really sweet and gentle, though, which was nice. He made sure I was comfortable with whatever he was doing. At the end, he pulled out and came on my stomach, since we didn’t have a condom. (Super irresponsible, looking back on it now).

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I was on birth control at the time, so there wasn’t really a risk of pregnancy occurring. He didn’t have a condom and neither did I, however. Which, at first, made me skeptical. He told me exactly how many women he had been with and the last time he’d been checked, which relaxed me. Even if he had been lying, which I know he wasn’t, I went and got checked a few weeks after just to be sure.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Honestly, the main reason I did it was just to get it over with. Sex was always put on a pedestal for me. I thought it was the be-all-end-all of my life and that it had to be “special”. But after doing it, I realized how little sex actually matters. I felt no different. I didn’t feel “attached” or “clingy” like I had been told my whole life I would after having sex. I just felt relieved.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We had drank some gin beforehand, but neither of us were drunk. We were both sober enough to fully consent to what we were doing.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Afterwards, we went to sleep. When I woke up, all I wanted to do was go home, shower, and never see him again. It was funny, really, because he wanted to buy me breakfast and take me on an actual date. He sort of became the “attached” person I was told I would be and I became the distant person I was told he would be. The roles were reversed in my situation. He texted me a few days after, asking me out, and I told him that I honestly wasn’t terribly interested in him and that even though we had fun, I wasn’t looking to further our relationship. He hasn’t spoken to me since, and I’m very okay with that.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my roommate because she had been worried about where I was. I told my 3 best friends, as well. Everyone was freaking out, saying that they hoped I didn’t regret it. Some of them shamed me for losing my virginity to a stranger, whereas some of them applauded me. Mixed reactions, all around.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? I believe it was consensual for both of us, yes.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I still feel good about my choice. I’m actually kind of glad my first time wasn’t with someone I had genuine feelings for, as strange as that sounds. Now, when I do meet someone I truly like, I don’t have to worry about being awkward and not knowing what to do. I’m happy I don’t have that burden of sex hanging over me anymore, and I’m happy I realized how good and healthy it can be to have a romp with a total stranger once in a while. It really is quite freeing.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was finally getting to experience what everyone had been hyping up for so long, and the worst was definitely the pain of going through it when you’re really nervous. It has changed me in many ways. I feel very comfortable with casual sex, and I think it’s okay to not want a relationship just to have sex. I feel very reassured in myself. I feel happy that I’m doing things my own way, not the way people have told me I should. Who says you can’t have your first time be a one-night stand? Why not, you know?

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!