by Mara

Gender: Female
Age: 30
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Current location: Germany
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Lawyer
Relationship status: Long-term relationshiü
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Enjoyment – sex enriches my life
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1

First Time – Or Not?

How long ago did this hookup happen? 12 years

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? One-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was the older halfbrother of my female friend E. from school. He was tall, a little chubby, with dark blond curls. He always looked kinda rugged, like he had just woken up after a two day binge drinking party. He was working on building sites and was maybe 5 or 6 years older than me. At the time, I was 17, in high school, and his life seemd fascinatingly adult and dangerous to me, which I found attractive. But he also scared my a bit – I was a well protected innocent girl from a good academic family, and he was rough, dirty, did manual labour, was a hint of brutish and a “bad boy”.
I never got to know him much, I briefly met him through E. when he was in town for a family visit and we talked a bit. My 18th birthday was coming up, and I was going to spend the week around it on holiday in London with E. and another female friend, K.. He lived in a small flat in London and invited us to crash at his place during our stay.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The week in London was a lot of fun. E., K. and me went out every night and were overjoyed that in London, it was customary for the guys to pay for drinks. In Germany, this was different – we always had to pay for our nights out ourselves. So we were happy to be able to party without having a budget for it. Sure, the guys always wanted to make out in return for the drinks, but that was what we wanted to do anyway so it was a win-win. So we spend every evening with different guys.
I was still a virgin and determined to lose my virginity during this trip to London on my 18th birthday.
One night we met up with him and some friends of his in a bar. I was drunk and he flirtet with me. He asked if I was a virgin and when I said yes, he asked if I wanted him to be my first. It was clear that he was really keen on doing it, but I felt that I could have said no and it would not have been a problem. So I said yes and we left the bar to go to his place. For the last nights I had gone to bed on the floor in his living room and now I was going to bed in his bed in the bedrooom.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was really drunk and nervous; I wasn’t really into it but wanted to lose my virginity already. He laid me on his bed. After a few minutes, E. came in to check if I was okay and if I really wanted to do this, and I said everything was fine.
I cannot remeber much about what followed. I was completely unexperienced and unfortunately, he was not a good teacher. He stroked me a bit, we kissed. He tried to put his dick in me, but I never got wet. I was really awkward and didn’ know what to do. After a while, he stopped trying and just said to go to sleep. He must have seen that I wasn’t happy about the whole thingand asked if I was dissappointed that it had not worked. I said yes, when really I was more ashamed. I felt like I had done something wrong and it was my fault that it did not work.
We went to sleep next to each other.
The next morning, he woke up and started stroking me. He kinda rolled on top of me and put his dick between my legs and in me (I guess, I didn’t really feel it and as I didn’t have any experience to compare it to I didn’t know how it was supposed to feel). He pumped his hips in missionary for a while. He came. I was still so tired and hungover that I didn’t really get what was going on, but it was not unpleasant so I just went along with it.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? I didn’t. He did in the morning.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I cannot believe how stupid I was not to use a condom or discuss history. I guess he wasn’t bothered with history as it was my first time. For a few weeks after that, I was a bit afraid of a pregnancy, but somehow, I did not take it seriously. Nothing happends, so I was lucky. It was my reason to go on the pill, though.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I wanted to lose my virginity, he was interested and had a bed to offer.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes, we were both drunk.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After, he got up and took a shower and left for work. I slept in and then spent the day with my girlfriends. They winked a bit and asked about it, but not much. We talked more about the other guys we had met during the week. I think E. felt weird as he was her halfbrother.
I was happy that I had realized my plan. It felt good to be in control.
But I was unhappy about how it went down and did not want to have any contact with him anymore. Later in the day he asked me if I was okay and then kept his distance for the rest of the week. When I think about him now I feel pity. He obviously was not a good lover and as such probably does not have a good sex life.
The whole punchline, however, became apparent one year later! I hooked up with a Honduran guy in a hostel and spent the night with him in his bunk bed. We had sex and when he first entered me, it hurt quite a lot, but it got better soon. Afterwards, I saw that there was blood on the sheets. I realized that E.s hallfbrother had in fact NOT deflowered me at all in London. He must have had a penis so small that it didn’t break my hymen. So I kinda had two first times….

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? E. and K. knew about it. I eventually told some other friends. They were okay with it. However, nobody that knows him knows that he didn’t really deflower me. It is a fun little secret that I only tell people that didn’t know me back then and have no affiliation with the people involved.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Well I wanted to lose my virginity and having sex was the way to do it so yeah I wanted that. He was dead keen on fucking a virgin for sure.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I do not regret it. I think sex is just like sports. You get better with it and enjoy it much more the more you “train” and get to know. So I don’t think the First Time is a big deal, quite the opposite – it will always be much worse than good experienced sex. However, it sure could have gone more smooth than it did for me. So it is a bit dissappointing that I didn’t have the very best First Time I maybe could have had. But on the other hand, I felt empowered being so much in control and willingly guiding my sexual life. It was an experience I chose and I look back on it feeling good and laughing about it. It is an experience that enriched my life, if only for the laughs.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best was that I had envisioned my plan and turned it into reality. Also the funny story it turned out to be. The worst was that the sex was sooooo bad.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I still like setting goals and making plans and then realizing them – not only in my sexual life. This “first time” showed me that I do not have to wait for things to happen to me, but that I can make them happen.
I am happy that I got to learn more about sex and have a good sex life later. It shows me how important it is to actually talk about sex and not be taboo about it.Sex is such an important part to a happy life. I think everyone has to learn about it, like you have to leran how to clean ahouse and how to cook and how to maintain friendships. I wish people were more open about it.

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