by Mugwort

Gender: Female
Age: 21
Race/ethnicity: Asian
Current location: California
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Recent grad, unemployed
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: N/A
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Heteroflexible
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

First Time Through Tinder Hookup

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Fuck buddies/fwb

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him through Tinder. Mildly attractive, fit but not in the top rank of my matches. His bio didn’t say much. When we started talking it was pretty nondescript and bland, except that we shared an interest. What I like is that after a bit of chatting he got straight to the point, told me his level of attraction/that he thought I was cute, and what he was interested in. Fwb, a relationship if it worked that way, or even just friends. Then he let the ball roll to me. None of that, “I’m trying to persuade you/wheedle you into having sex with me” thing. He was straightforward and not more attractive than me, so I felt I would be less intimidated. But I also wasn’t attracted to him seriously. My greatest fear preceding the hookup was that he would turn out to be a dunderhead. I didn’t tell him I was a virgin.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I left it open as “hanging out and seeing how we feel” and invited him over to my place. When I found out he lived an hour and a half away (gps is glitchy) I told him he didn’t have to come but he was still down for it. Bought tacos. He came by, I was nervous but confident about my appeal. We sat down, started eating and I made conversation. We talked a little bit about ourselves while I dicked around on my laptop trying to find something to watch and I think we kind of clicked. I was pleasantly surprised about how compelling he seemed – he talked in measured tones, wasn’t obnoxious, and seemed smart and mature. And like a casual guy. He started initiating some physical contact like getting closer to me, brushing his thumb against my arm. Eventually we started watching something and we were sitting right by each other and he placed his hand on my lap and started stroking my thigh, like real casual. I liked that it seemed like he knew how to direct the flow since I sure as heck didn’t. Next thing we’re talking about music and after a moment he leans in to kiss me. I had no experience so I just sit there and think, “OK. I guess this is happening.” I fess up after the first kiss but in vague terms. He says it’s OK that I’m inexperienced and I make it clear that I’m still down for things. So we kiss more and he escalates things, which he’s good at, and next thing I know, we’re taking off clothes and he goes down on me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Getting oral was interesting and kind of unexpected. It wasn’t as intense as I thought it should be (it’s gotten better since), but I was surprised at how OK I was with a kind-of stranger doing it to me, and for a while. I was just kind of quiet and breathed and had my hand in his hair. After a while he got up, maybe kissed me some more, and pulled his dick out. I just watched. I was kind of impressed. lol. He has a good-looking dick (and a good size..). He started penetrating and it hurt a bit, though it wasn’t the worst. Later on he mentioned he was surprised by how tight I was. Like really tight, at first. There was a lot of kissing and the pain lessened, but I found that when he went harder it kind of hurt in a different way. Like it felt intense, but rather than feeling good, it was kind of hard to bear. We didn’t talk much but I started moaning. Asides from the pain, it was more natural to me than I expected and it really weirded me out that he had my hands and feet tingling practically the whole time. There were a lot of position changes but all with him on top. Eventually he came to a pause and he checked in on things. Found out this was really my first time. lol oops. I gave positive feedback but also filled him in on some of the details and we talked about it. Like if we had sex more hopefully it would start to hurt less. I indicated I would be open to seeing him again. After we talked for a bit, we started kissing again and he fingered me for a while, and eventually we fucked some more. We just chatted idly after that, like an hour or two, and eventually I mentioned that I had work to do. We kissed some more before he got up and he got hard again. I was wry about that. I walked him to the door. More kissing at the end, and he grabbed me closer to him. I think we both got kind of into it, but I literally had the door open for him to leave, so after a couple minutes I broke it off and said we probably shouldn’t. HE said sorry this time and left for real. I was pleased though, and after he left I wondered if it was too good to be true and if there was some sort of catch I was missing.

The next day I realized I got a hickey from him. Sneaky guy.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Nope. He’d wondered if I had when I’d started moaning hard, which made me doubt whether any of his previous partners had really orgasmed if he couldn’t tell. I wasn’t sure if he’d orgasmed either. The first round, I think he kind of just stopped out of concern for me. After the second round, he still looked a little erect to me, so I thought maybe he hadn’t gotten off. But since then I’ve realized he doesn’t go completely soft after cumming, so I’m not really sure.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Not as many precautions as I should’ve. I felt like it was just kind of awkward to bring STIs up, maybe because when I had asked for test results in the past, one or two Tinder guys acted offended. He used a condom on his own, but if he hadn’t I would’ve been firm about telling him to. I was also on birth control. After the hookup, I asked him if he was clean/recently tested and if he made sure any other partners he had were clean, and he said yes. But there’s no way of knowing for sure, right? I got tested for 2 STIs and came back clean. Um, one of the following times we hooked up, I let him go bareback after cumming once. Though I was still on birth control.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I was 21, physically frustrated at never having sex, and wanted to lose my sexless status. I’d been seriously thinking about hooking up with a rando on and off for at least a year, because I have a hard time breaking through to guys in real life. No guy friends, awful at talking to guys. At one point, I really wanted to start having sex to feel validated as a desirable object, ’cause everything else in my life (i.e. school) sure as heck wasn’t making me feel validated. Eventually I realized that was unhealthy and tried to ditch that thinking. But I still wanted to be a sexual person and explore that side of life while I was young and attractive. Especially because there was a limited window of opportunity – my mom was coming down to live with me soon. She’s a cockblock.

I hooked up with this particular guy because I strongly felt my inhibitions about sex but he seemed like he would work for me. In particular, I had an insecurity about misleading people about how socially normative I am (when I’m really not) and my level of experience with the opposite sex, esp. when the guy seemed like he was from a different social category than me. But I didn’t feel threatened by this guy, partly because he was down to earth and didn’t do any posturing.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? A little bit of beer. I opened one to eat with the food I bought but really my motivation was to help me get over my jitters. I offered him one as well, but he turned it down

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We started texting again, but to my disappointment the convo was as limited as ever. His responses were really mundane. At first I thought maybe this was his way of regulating the nature of our relationship but now I’m pretty sure that’s just the way he texts. I’ve also realized that I’m kind of careful about preserving my ego when I text him and it affects the tone of our interactions, too. When I don’t text him for a span of days, he usually tries to reinitiate contact.

We’ve met up twice since and each time the sex got more intimate. I can be weirdly cagey and guarded with him when we haven’t initiated physical contact yet. But after we have sex I relax. The intimate sex and the date-like moments (e.g. going out to eat) honestly confuse me since we leave things undefined. I like him a bit and I want him to like me, but I don’t feel equipped for a relationship. I worry that once I seriously date someone, they’ll become disappointed in me. Plus I’m not sure if he’s really right for me. Currently I’m planning on meeting up with him again, at his place for the first time, and he’s asked me whether I want to spend the night at his place or not, having sex while I’m there or not. I don’t know what I should say.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my sister and one other close friend. Most people I know probably would be shocked and nonplussed to hear that I’ve become sexual, so I don’t spring it on them. My sister’s been mildly supportive while also being vaguely scornful (not that I’ve had sex, but that I get preoccupied about this guy). The other friend was excited for me but also impressed. She said most people wouldn’t be able to hook-up for their first time like that, and without any relationship experience.

Prior to hooking up, I discussed with her, my sis and one other friend. And also Reddit. I got some mixed feedback. People I knew in real life seemed to be dubious that I was emotionally equipped to go through with it. I guess they knew my inhibitions. The first friend thought all the prospects I entertained were going to be poor choices and skeevy. The other friend said she felt I’d get attached too easily. My sister supported my decisions but seemed resigned to the chances of disastrous experiences. Some girls on Reddit said they’d made the same choice as me and were lucky with how it turned out, but most said it was probably best to wait for someone I knew I’d be comfortable with, i.e. someone “special.”

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? For the most part, no. It’s been pretty great, I like having sex with him, and it’s helped me achieve my objectives. The first few days after hooking up, though, there are a few points where I’m ruminating on him TOO MUCH and I almost regret having something take up my mind like that. And I have vulvar papillae that get itchy and irritated occasionally (from all the friction) and that makes me regret sometimes. lol

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best – sex that feels intimate and fulfilling; finding a partner I like
The worst – finding out I don’t enjoy sex like some women do, that I actually find sex more painful than a lot of women, and that I should probably go find a gynecologist. Also getting confused over someone.

I learned from this hook-up that things can go ideally for me, and I can be sexual and open with other people even if my friends doubt that about me. I thought I knew how attracted and not seriously into someone I was going to be, but I found out I don’t really have as much control over that as I’d like. Everyone talks about casual sex feeling dirty or empty but turns out those ideas don’t really affect me at all. After having sex, I feel like I’ve confirmed that you can have sex for its own sake (or the sake of intimacy) and it’s valid.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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