by Matt D
What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? old
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Northeast, USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Retired engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 13
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Friend Of A Friend—My First time
How long ago did this hookup happen? 52 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Alison was a friend of a male friend. After he found out Alison and I had sex he was somewhat angry. He claimed Alison was his girlfriend, but she had told me she was just his friend. I think Alison and my male friend had sex on occasion.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was home from college, and I visited my male friend. He and I didn’t have a long history together, but we enjoyed each other’s company. He introduced me to Alison, and the three of us hung out. Alison and I were attracted to each other, and I invited her to visit me at college. She said she would like to, and we exchanged phone numbers. Eventually we arranged for her to visit. I lived in a rooming house, and I did not have a roommate, so I assured her we would have privacy. I think we both assumed we would have sex. I certainly wanted to. I was a virgin.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Alison visited. I don’t think we hopped into bed right away, but we did eventually. She helped me put my penis in her vagina. I thought that was nice, and I remember being pleased that I didn’t find that I needed and accepted help to be belittling, no pun intended. I enjoyed the feeling of having my erection in a vagina, and I was pleased not to be a virgin anymore. However, as we made love my erection flagged, and I could not come. Alison reaction was wonderful about this, and I love her for it still. She said, “That’s okay Matt. That happens sometimes.”
I wondered how much experience Alison had that she knew this about men—probably quite a bit—but I thought it would be unkind to ask, so I didn’t.
Alison said, “Let’s take a break and go out and get something to eat. We can come back and try again later.” It made me very happy that Alison was so casual and not judgmental about my love making. I was also very happy, since I was still quite horny and unsatisfied, that she wanted to have sex with me more. I was glad I didn’t have to wonder if she would want to.
We went out and had a meal together, and we talked intimately as we hadn’t previously done. We got to know each other. This and the fact that Alison had made it clear she still wanted to have sex with me made me really like her—love her even—even if it was love with a lower case l.
We went back to my room and made love again, and I had no trouble maintaining an erection and coming inside her. It was sweet. Alison was sweet, and I consider my first time to be a really nice experience. It taught me that getting to know my partner first was important for a successful sexual experience, and this was born out at other times in my life.
A large percentage of men experience premature ejaculation. Others, like me, have trouble bringing sex to a climax without an emotional connection—a good thing.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup I came down with a urinary tract infection. Fortunately it was treatable with antibiotics. I called Alison and told her, so she could get treated too.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one, but my parents found out I had a urinary tract infection from sex, and in my presence, with some pride, they told friends of theirs that I was no longer a virgin. My parents and their friends nodded knowingly and smirked a little. I was neither ashamed nor proud, and I kept a straight face.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Discovering that sex is best in conjunction with ah honest and positive emotional connection to my partner.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I got a UTI, but I don’t really consider that or anything else that happened very bad.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. As I mentioned, for good sex I need to know my partner and have a good and at least “somewhat” developed relationship with her. I have had casual sex where this was not the case, and I haven’t always lost an erection or been unable to come, but for me that doesn’t compare to the sex I’ve had when I’ve first come to “know” my partner.
The best sex I’ve ever had were experiences in which consciousness disappeared, and my mind became all feelings. This was after going through a process often used by sex therapists.
My partner and I went to bed together but did not undress. We hugged and talked and got to know each other. We did this repeatedly, setting aside time each weekend to do so. The second time we undressed a little more, drank a little wine, and touched but did not allow ourselves to touch erogenous zones. The next time we undressed further, eventually giving each other massages but not allowing ourselves to go too far and certainly not to have intercourse, which was forbidden.
Arousal—not an erection nor lubrication nor tumescence in a woman—what goes on in the brain built to a fever pitch. Eventually we allowed ourselves to make love fully, and it was an experience unparrallelled.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Anything between consenting adults that doesn’t hurt one’s self or others is okay, but one should be careful, because with casual sex being hurt or hurting others is more likely than in sex within a relationship where partners know each other.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it. It’s nice to be able to tell my story and think that others might be interested to hear it.
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