What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Independent Cosultant
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Well over 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Friend With Lots of Respect and Benefits

How long ago did this hookup happen? Still on going

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We were complete strangers, met through an app that brought people together who were into BDSM. We were chatting for maybe 2 weeks (off and on) before we met. I have a busy schedule, and so does he and one day our schedules matched up. We met outside of Starbucks on a hot California day.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met outside of Starbucks, said hello, exchanged some witty banter as we walked to his place and the rest is history.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Given that we met on a BDSM app, I think that breaks a little barrier. I’ve also worked on being comfortable with myself sexually and socially that I know how I want casual sex to work for me. I am more inclined to BDSM, he was not, I think he just likes the idea/fantasy and hasn’t gotten around to the rules, behavior, etc of BDSM…so we really had vanilla sex (which isn’t a bad thing necessarily).

I never think of casual sex being mind blowing in the beginning, you have no clue how your partner likes things so it’s absurd to have some golden standard. I know how I like things, so he let me run things my way for a bit, and he runs it for a bit as well.

If I were to rate our sex the first time it would be a solid 6 out of 10. We had sex for about half an hour, we talked about seeing each other again, and I left since I had a client appointment.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We still see each other, in fact, I just saw him yesterday after I just went on holiday. It’s been about 3 months since we first met. We’ve grown to be friends. We talk about our lives and jobs, advice, little by little getting to know each other. I respect him, we sometimes have small discussions since we definitely do not have a committed relationship but with sleeping and spending time with someone there are still boundaries you have to talk about.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Power / Dominance, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? A little bit

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few of my friends do know that I am into BDSM culture. One friend, he’s been my convert to it, so we have fun open discussions about it. Most of my friends get a little weary since it is still a niche lifestyle choice.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? We still see each other. So, wins all around.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing that I can think of.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not at all. I’ve been more or less trying to find the right person to have casual sex with if anything.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex, in general, is frowned upon. It signifies to people that you are emotionally unstable or for me as a female that I am a “whore”. I am comfortable with myself and genuinely happy, I know what it takes to be in a committed relationship, but I want to pursue my own endeavors. Right now I wouldn’t be able to be in a committed relationship and pursue my own endeavors. So casual sex is really a great lifestyle choice for me.

Just like how Marmite and Vegemite are not for everyone, so is casual sex. I’ve taken over a year to get a handle and understanding on my own self and emotions that I am able to engage in casual sex. Usually, I find a lot of negative experiences since people don’t communicate. As much as it sucks to talk about feelings/wants/desires/needs/expectations, you have to. Good or bad, if it helps clear the air, let’s someone know what you want, etc. then talk about it.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great outlet for people to know “Hey this is happening” right now it is such a taboo subject, that even I get frustrated that people don’t understand why I’ve chosen to be so casual.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!