What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 45
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Germany
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 32
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
From fuck buddies to best friends
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is about as tall as me, which means pretty tall since I’m 6’1“, blonde with blue eyes. He is 3 years younger than me. We knew each other from work, he was actually a customer, but we had only had contact via phone and e-mail and never had talked about anything other than work issues.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My coworker from the technical department had visited his company for a technical checkup and he asked him about me. He told him that I was single and in his opinion, quite hot (men…). I was single since I had lost my husband earlier that year, but I was not interested in a serious relationship, I wasn’t ready for that yet. In fact, I had just ended another “friends with benefits” relationship, which had lasted for almost 6 months, because the guy had fallen in love with me.
My partner had just been dumped by his wife after almost 20 years of marriage and was living with his sister. He had no romantic or sexual experiences other than with his wife, so he was interested in getting things rolling. The day before the Christmas holidays we talked on the phone for work reasons and he took his chance and started to talk to me about private stuff, first just about Christmas and stuff. After that conversation he sent me his mobile number via e-mail, suggesting that we could stay in touch during the holidays.
I texted him some Christmas wishes a few days later, which started a conversation, which led to a blind date on Dec. 28.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He got us a table at a popular asian place and we agreed to meet at a nearby subway station. I hadn’t even seen a picture of him until that point, so it was a blind date in the true sense of the word, for both of us. He was already waiting at the station when I arrived and I remember being very pleasantly surprised when I saw him. We walked to the restaurant and had a very pleasant diner with alot of talking. In fact we talked so long, that at a certain point the waiter came over to bring us the check because they were closing. He wanted to walk me back to the station, where we realised that it was after 1 am and there were no more trains until the next morning. He had come by car, so he offered to drive me home. I was pretty attracted to him so I offered the proverbal coffee when were at my home. He accepted and so we ended up on my couch with coffee. We talked for another hour or so, but he made no move. So I decided to take things into my own hands, grabbed his face and kissed him. He didn’t complain, so we started to make out, which got pretty intense. We started to take off our clothes, he stimulated my breasts with hands and lips. I went down on him and blew him, until he pulled me up and made me sit on his lap and ride him. I quickly came and turned around, kneeling on the couch, so he could take me from behind. He fucked me pretty hard, I came again and finally he orgasmed too.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We went over to my bedroom and cuddled for some time. Then, we went to sleep because it was around 4 am and he had to work in the morning.
We had a “friends with benefits“ relationship for the next two months. We even went on a weekend trip to Amsterdam together, but that triggered me because I had been there a few times with my husband. I was feeling very bad psychologically during and after that trip and he was by my side, as a real friend. That got us talking about really valuing the other as a friend and wanting to intensify this, which would not work, if we continued having sex. We were both wary if we would be able to transition to being just friends, but we did and are still best friends today, almost 4 years later. We are both in committed relationships now, me about a year longer than him, and sex has never been an issue between us.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Sterilization
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), To cheer myself up
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some of my friends met him during our FWB time and were either happy for me, or skeptical, because they were afraid that I would get hurt, since I was still in bereavement because of my husband’s death.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? That a very close friendship came out of it.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? None
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has always played a role in my sexual life. In my 20’s, before my marriage, I had quite a few casual sex experiences because I wanted to learn as much as possible about sex and was very curious.
After the death of my husband I continued that search and again had several casual encounters, some if them ONS, other fuck buddy stories or fwb relationships. Actually, my current commited relationship started off as a fwb thing. I never felt that my actions were morally wrong, probably because I was raised by a feminist mother and non religious, politically liberal parents.
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