What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Maine
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Student/ Clinical Manager
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Open
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 11 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? A long time coming
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? (keep in mind, the hookup happened late 2015)
I originally met Cole back in 2006, I was in college and worked mornings at a local coffee shop and he was married with two kids. I saw him sporatically before early morning hockey practices with his kids when he would drive thru the coffee shop. I worked alone and the drive-thru was located outside away from the hustle and bustle of the busy cafe. I wouldn’t say he was a regular, but I knew his truck on site as well as his children. I honestly can say I never met his wife, but I knew they had been together quite awhile. Our relationship was one of pure friendship. My little brother was around his sons age so I would see him at the hockey rink, and I also saw him late at night at the gym. We were friendly and I appreciated his smile, confidence and occasional shyness. I have a thing about direct and prolonged eye contact, its not really socially acceptable, and he would rarely maintain eye contact with me (as a Communication major and researcher this fascinated me).
About two years after we met, I will never forget because it was spring and around my birthday, his wife died suddenly. Our community where I live is tight knit and I remember how devastating it was, I cried and cried when I found out. It just didn’t seem fair for something that seemed so perfect to not have the fairy tail we are told about as children. The next time I saw him was at the coffee shop, the kids weren’t with him, I don’t remember what I said but I basically conveyed to him my shared grief in his loss – there’s no such thing as the right thing to say in that situation. and after all tragedy, life still progresses, whether you are ready for it or not.
He surprised me in the coming years. He was young, athletic, high achieving and an excellent father. I expected to see him with a bevy of attractive women, but the only one I ever met was his cousin. My dad was also a single parent and my affection for Cole’s strong and steady parenting style only grew. Our relationship maintained one of a friendly acquaintance. Perhaps we flirted too, all I really remember is that my heart would race and I would try to act normal whenever I served him (because it’s completely normal to have someone create a physiological response in your body on a regular basis right?!?)
Fast forward several more years, I had graduated from college, experienced a few heart breaks of my own, some trauma, and was still working at the coffee shop. I was working during a town fair when he and a friend came through. For some strange reason I was more forward than I’d ever been and some flirting and joking cumulated in us exchanging numbers. Neither of us did anything with them, his number just sat in my phone. Maybe here is where I should say I was engaged at the time. Some weeks, maybe months later I ran into him at a liquor store. I never drink but was there to grab something for a BBQ I was headed to. He was behind me in line and surprised me with some kind of comment.. later that night I texted him for the first time. Surprisingly, he responded. We texted for hours about all sorts of things. In fact if I were to describe him in two words it would probably be: “Intellectually Stimulating.” Don’t get me wrong, he has the face and the body of a Greek God but man, does he have a brain too. Our conversation was the catalyst to change my life and the direction that I was heading. The decision I then made was one solely for myself and the well being of my fiancé – I broke of our engagement.
I would say it was after that day that our friendship became solid. In some ways I know everything about him, but in most ways, I know nothing about him. It’s a very unique/odd relationship. I learned he had a long time girlfriend. Having pursued intimacy behind prior partners backs I had no interest in instigating this with Cole. I was too good for that, and so was he. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t note that a deep part of me longed to be with him “forever.”
He eventually moved out of state, still in his long time relationship, and before the hookup I hadn’t seen him in 5 or 6 years. We texted regularly, sometimes every day and then nothing for months at a time. We flirted heavily, joked about seeing one another and are pros at sexting. Yet, never have touched more than a hug, several thousand miles and our own relationships sure helps in that. Also, we are each very busy and driven in our professional and personal lives.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was coming home from a medical service trip that I had taken with some coworkers. I’m very at ease with international travel and travel in general. When the airline I was flying on offered a $500 rebate and a free ticket to stay in Colorado an extra night (where Cole happens to live) I jumped at the chance. Immediately my mind went to, “here’s our chance.” I was worried because it was sudden, I didn’t know what his children were doing that night, and I was slightly concerned that he would have no interest in seeing me (he lives 3 hours from the airport). I took the chance anyway.
I ended up texting him to let him know I took a layover and wanted to see him. I booked a room at the nicest hotel and waited. By some great stroke of fate he said his kids were staying over with friends and that he would find a way to clear his schedule and meet up.
I’d like to say I was definitely the planner and instigator but he easily could have had other things going on. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks because I only had limited cell reception while i was out of the country and because that’s just how our relationship is.
Well…here I was, in a weird town and now I had 3 hours to kill. I was nervous, excited, and slightly terrified because how could this be actually happening?
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? If the point wasn’t clear before we had years of sexual tension and my body is like a finely tuned violin for him – just the idea of him and I was ready to go. One of the funniest things about the encounter was hearing his voice when he called to say he was on his way. We hadn’t actually spoke in 6 years, we had only texted, it made me laugh which lightened my mood a little bit. I jumped in the shower to wash off the travel and shave. I didn’t have anything cute to wear, so I put on my pajamas a soft t-shirt and boy short underwear (it was that or scrubs!). I paced around a bit and then put on the hotel robe. I really wanted to masterbate because I was afraid I would cum too quickly and too often and then realized that’s kind of the point…so instead I read and waited.
When he knocked on the door I got up to realize I was visibly shaking, whoa, that’s a lot of energy. Instead of leading him into my room I just walked backwards, I don’t think I wanted to let him out of my sight. I stopped when I realized how silly I must look. Cole kept walking though and I had to remind myself to breath. He told me I looked beautiful and I laughed at the reality of our situation. He didn’t kiss me, but I wanted him to. He took off my robe and just looked at me. I tried to step forward and touch him but he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. It wasn’t painful, but again, I was surprised. He kissed me then, on my neck and back and put his hand into my underwear and started to play with me. I remember sinking back into him and several breaths in he made me cum. Since we were both clothed I turned around to face him so I could do the one thing I’d always wanted, to give him a blow job. He let me undress him but he made no move towards the bed so I got down on my knees, held onto his ass and languished in his cock. He had told me once that he rarely if ever came from head so I wanted to meet that challenge. Blow jobs turn me on the most out of any foreplay. Eventually I got up and laid on the bed with my head slightly off. I asked him to come to me so that I could finish. As I was enjoying every inch of him he started to touch me too, my hair, my breasts and stomach and again with my clit. He came abruptly and without much warning. We talked and laughed for a little bit while we just touched each other. He eventually pulled me around and started to go down on me. From my ass to my clit he made me cum, again. Finally, while I was still cuming he entered me. Every so often he would pull out and just press against my ass. I was surprisingly pliable considering how little experience with ass play I’d had. I knew he wasn’t a huge fan of anal sex but I was not going to refuse myself anything. He kept doing that until I was shaking again. He turned me around and fucked me hard, harder than I’ve ever experienced. He put his thumb in my ass and railed me. I came again and when I told him he pulled out and licked me from clit to ass, crawling over me until we were laying side by side. He had still only cum the one time so i got on top of him. I started facing him and stood up to stretch and turn around. As I was moving he started to rise up into me as I came down on him. Right when I was about to cum again he grabbed my hair, pulled me back, wrapped one arm around my throat and fucked me while I was on my stomach and he was behind me. He came and collapsed on top of me, I fell asleep shortly after that. I woke up in the middle of the night and we had sex again. A little more slowly but just as enjoyable.
We didn’t actually talk about the sex before or during I think because we had already had so much dialogue before hand. We did express our mutual satisfaction after the fact. I think that night must have been a record for me in the number of times that I came. I’m not so sure if he broke any records though. I felt great during and after and was very nervous before the fact. It ended with us sleeping, deeply and well.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I had to wake up to catch my flight, we didn’t have time for breakfast and it was probably better that way. I was sore, but felt great about what had happened between us. I’m not moving to Colorado, and he’s not moving to Maine, so the expectation for a future isn’t there. I’m very happy in my current relationship and I believe he is very happy in his as well. Some small part of me will always hope for a future with him. But for now I’ll try to end up in the same nursing home as him so that we can be geriatric lovers.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Power / Dominance
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Years of anticipation, and I was not disappointed in the least. I’ve never done a hard drug, by I imagine this hookup was like the first high and nothing will ever be better.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I did not tell my partner.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, surprisingly, I think because this had built up for so long all of the questions or concerns had already been sorted out either verbally with each other. Any private concerns or ideas I had sorted out within myself a long time ago.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I would like to see casual sex be more embraced by our society in a free and safe way. I’m personally conflicted about it to some degree. I don’t know how you can introduce the idea of safe casual sex without causing some hurt.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a fantastic data set. Two thumbs up!
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