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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 47
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Vancouver
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all

Goddess in His Arms

How long ago did this hookup happen? 12 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Short Fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve known him since high school. He was a friend of a friend. We once went to the cinema together, and he ended up kissing my neck. I was 15, and at that time it was the most and only erotic experience of my life… He walked me home, but with every step, a feeling of shame grew inside me for allowing someone who was not my boyfriend to get so close. When we got to my front door, I bolted and ran away. Our gaze met a couple of times in the next two years we were at school together, but we never spoke to each other again. I never rarely thought about him after that.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? 20 years later I got a friend request on Facebook from him; followed by a message two years later saying “hi.” I felt a lot of emotions but mostly taken advantage off, so I ignored him. One day, I was feeling particularly low, so I replied “hi” and accepted his friend request. We started chatting, and I had so many questions about our cinema date. He remembered it so well, filling in small details I had long forgotten. It was an eye-opener for me to see that that night had stuck in his mind so much. I started to question my narrative. He said he was so young himself he did not know what to do, that he wanted us to go steady but then felt confused when I ran away. It felt so good to hear his voice.
He said I owed him the kiss on the lips I had denied him 20 years earlier. Curiosity started to turn into longing and a craving to feel his lips on mine. After months of texts and calls, I gave in and agreed for him to come over to my home. He made it very explicit that he hoped to have sex with me; I made it very clear that was not the offer. We had planned to go out for dinner but, as it should have been evident from the start, we never got very far from the apartment that evening.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When he arrived, we hugged and chatted for a bit. I could not stop staring at him. I was very nervous and excited to see him at the same time. We went for a short walk and talked about high school and then back to the apartment. We sat in the dining room and continued chatting, but I felt his stare melting my defenses. He grabbed my hand, and I started babbling something that very badly concealed the effect he had on me. I tried to pull back my hand, but that brought him even closer. He said I still owed him a kiss. I leaned forward for a quick smack, but he grabbed my head with both hands. He did not let go, and he whispered in my ear how much he wanted me. In that very instant the sensations from twenty years ago merged with the new ones. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to the bedroom. He laid me in the bed, sat beside me and remarked on how long he had waited for this moment. He ran his eyes and hands over my body. He asked if I was ok with having sex and I said yes. Only then did he start to undress me. He looked at me once more as if I were some priceless item and repeated over and over how beautiful I was and how soft my skin was. He turned me over and ran his hands along my back and buttocks before asking for permission to touch my breasts. Every single stroke of his hands felt like electricity running through my whole body. His wandering gaze would always return to meet mine after each pass as if savoring the effect he had on me. I felt beautiful and valued and loved. He slid his hands under my black lace panties, and I felt his fingers on my waxed labia. He kept asking me to keep my eyes on his, and I had to battle the urge to close them and escape into my sensations. It was no use trying hide how I was feeling, my hips were rocking back and forth to his rhythm and heard myself moaning. He stood up and keeping his eyes fixed on me; he started to undress. He did not rush at all; I was his. Very gently he laid beside me and placed his arms around me and kissed me some more. He then backed down a little and let me explore him. I caressed his chest and he moaned with pleasure he started touching himself and then got on top of me and slid in. It felt so good as if he had been the missing part in my body for the last 20 years. He said countless times how good it felt to feel me inside. After some time he turned me over so that I was on top. I bent over on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me and kept saying how good it felt to be inside me. He asked if he could spank me and I sheepishly said yes. He made full use of this and struck me on my bottom. I felt a lot of energy accumulating in my belly, and I melted in a very satisfying orgasm; I could feel my vagina contracting around him. He hugged me even tighter and let me rest while saying I was incredible. He then lifted my upper body rocking while he held my hands in the air and I started bouncing on his penis. He told me to ask for him to cum inside me. I hesitated for a second but then begged him to fill me up. He locked eyes on mine before he came.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He wrapped me in his arms, and we fell asleep. A few hours later we woke up and he asked me if I wanted more. I looked at him and said yes. He warned me he was not sure if it all would work as it should as he was exhausted. He started stroking the sides of my body as the night before and felt him admire me as if he was trying to memorize every detail. We then had sex again. Everything worked just fine, and we fell asleep again. I wanted to lie in bed with him forever, but I had lots of things to do that day. So we showered and got dressed and went out.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? Yes

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My close friends. They were very supportive.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His tenderness and how he kept connected with me throughout. I felt loved and desired. I also enjoyed being told I was good in bed!

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that it could not lead to more

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It changed my outlook on life. Now I feel I can be loved and valued. I feel more confident in bed. It helped me realize that if men show an interest in me, it does not mean that I am being used. The pleasure can be mutual.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It can be a healing experience in the right context.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great to be able to read about other peoples experiences

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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