What’s your gender? Trans woman
How old are you? 43
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Mount Gambier
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Registered Nurse
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? nil
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We crossed paths on Facebook, no mutual acquaintances. We would occasionally comment on each other’s pages. He asked to fly to my city and meet me. I had no strong feelings before we met, just thought the comments he made were cool.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He booked flights and accommodation and came to meet me. We had had some conversations on messenger and a week before he arrived the conversation got hot and heavy. We had Facebook messenger sex and finished off with conversational sex. It was amazing, we both orgasmed and came. I was surprised as I always had thought that that sort of thing was a bit tacky but I discovered I was really good at describing pornographic situations. He said ‘We just had sex!’
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He flew to my city and had booked accommodation. He was different from a lot of guys I had been with. He was Greek, artistic and lived in a major city. I had mostly been with ‘rural’ sort of guys. We talked, looked into each other’s eyes for a long time and kissed each other really deeply (He was a good kisser, thank goodness). We couldn’t wait and we went to his hotel room. He was 50 but his body was well proportioned and his penis was really beautiful (I have seen a lot of penes, I am a nurse). I gave him oral sex and we had pretty regular hetero sex, but I loved it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hook up we talked about previous sexual partners. I mentioned that I had had a few threesomes when I was younger (MMF). He was a bit shocked and said that was his dream (FFM) but he had never been with someone that he was comfortable enough to discuss it with. I said I was happy with anal sex and happy to try other things. We have met up again and my feelings progressed really quickly. I wanted a relationship with this man. He was a Greek god. We had lots in common and were really comfortable with each other.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Discussed it with my friends, had a backup plan in case he was a creep. They were encouraging and happy for me that I had a good time
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was a real learning experience. I am older now and I could look much more objectively at him as a prospective partner and see red flags and things that might not work. I have done lots of reading and examined how I feel and asked myself what I want. After our second time of getting together I had fallen for him and was contacting him but it was not reciprocated. I questioned him and he said the distance was too far and long distance relationships were difficult. I know that this was crap, but didn’t press for a further answer.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? My heart was broken. I didn’t think I’d become attached, but he was an artist and took me and talked about things that were not in my realm. It was interesting and exciting. I decided I didn’t want to lose him altogether and asked him if we could still be ‘friends’ and made it clear that I would be up for a further hookup and phone sex. He said that would be great. I actually felt really happy with this and after some deliberation with myself decided that I would be okay even if he was seeing someone else or didn’t want a relationship with me. He has invited me to stay at his place for a while. Cool.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I have always thought casual sex was okay and I have been very lucky that the people I have been with have all been really nice and respectful. I haven’t had one bad experience at all and in some situations, I haven’t been that careful, so like I said, very lucky. This hookup has reinforced that even as I get older, I am still sexually desirable and I enjoy knowing there is still lots to learn about sex. I am working on establishing the emotional connection more to produce a greater orgasm.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I had a 15-year marriage and also many hookups over the years. This is one of the most ‘important’ relationships I have had. I have learned that I am resilient, I can look at situations objectively whilst acknowledging the reality of a situation. I am desirable, loveable and crave further sexual experience.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? At 43 I have in the back of my mind that I would love to find someone to be my partner but after this hookup, I went straight online and lined up four guys to meet including my first boyfriend that took my virginity and haven’t seen in 21 years. I like casual sex, I like meeting someone new and hearing about their lives and ideas. I like exploring other bodies and kissing different people. Now I think as long as they don’t know about each other then there should be no problem?! I’m getting older, I want to experience as much as I can. Ultimately though I will keep my eye open for a one and only. Might as have fun until he comes.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it is much needed. Sexuality is a big part of us and information is power
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!