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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 18
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? England
Highest education received: Not graduated from high-school
What’s your occupation? School
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Straight
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Guilty Blowjob

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? The guy, who I will call Ben, is quite tall and well built. He’s good friends with my bf. Before I got with my current bf, Ben and I had a few drunken flings together. Back when we were in school, Ben had fingered me at a party once and I rubbed him through his jeans.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were all at a friend’s university. She invited five of us to come down and stay in her dorm room for the weekend, so we could all just get drunk for really cheap. My bf was invited but he couldn’t make it because he had tonsilitis, and one other girl couldn’t come because she was worried about missing some work shift she had on Saturday. That means there was just me, the girl we were visiting, another girl, and yep…Ben.

We were all super drunk and now playing spin the bottle. I usually stick to just truth and don’t do dares because I’m pretty boring like that I guess. Ben chose a truth question and ended up telling everyone how he’d fingered me when we were younger. I was so embarrassed. People knew already, don’t get me wrong, but still. It was a good thing my bf wasn’t there because, although he knows, we dont talk about that sort of thing.

Some other girls chose dares and ended up kissing and dry humping Ben at one point (like I said very drunk, super embarassing). Toward the end of the night, Ben whispered to me “I’ll never forget what your insides felt like”. Now at this point, I’m very drunk and although it was kind of weird, he just blew my mind. Waves of horniness flooded my brain, and stupidly, the only thing I could reply with was “I never felt how warm you were”.

He looked around for a second and realised everyone had either fallen asleep on one of the sofas or snuck off to bed. He looked at me and said “you wanna?” I remember just nodding…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He unzipped his jeans and poked his dick out through the zipper. I looked at him then down at it. I remember feeling a huge wave of guilt as I said: “what about my bf” (his friend). He told me just to suck and let him worry about that, so I did.

I leaned down and spat a thick layer of saliva over the head of his dick and started to wank him softly. I kept looking up at him asking him if we should stop, but he kept telling me how good I was doing and stroking my hair. Now we were both clearly nervous as we were in an open-ish area and I was wanking him off. After a couple of minutes, he leaned over and whispered: “put it on your tongue”. As drunk as I was, I couldn’t build the courage to do it.

Ben stood up and said, “come on then.” He led me to the hallway toilet and we both got inside. He sat down on the toilet, still hard, with my saliva still making his dick shine a little bit. I knelt down between his knees and he pointed his dick down and rested it on my bottom lip. Again my drunk mess of a self began tearing up and getting paranoid about doing this due to being with his best mate who was currently back home none the wiser. Again he told me to let him worry about that as he nudged the head of his dick past my lips.

I started to slowly suck the head and lick the underside of his head (something his best friend, my boyfriend loves when I do). He started breathing heavily and murmering under his breath as he stroked and pulled my hair. I dont know how long we did that for, but I then opened my mouth more allowing more of his dick to slide in.

My knees began to hurt and I told him he needed to cum soon because of that. However, as he was drunk, he struggled for ages until finally, he told me he was close. I took him as deep down my throat as I could and let him finish right down my throat. A girlfriend of mine always joked about leaving no clues, so my drunk self felt it was neccessary to take this advice. Usually, with my boyfriend, I let him finish on my ass or tits, not the mouth, so Ben got lucky.

At this point, my pussy was absolutely throbbing and my shorts were completely soaked. Ben was too tired to do anything and ended up kissing my forehead and leaving the toilet. I locked the door behind him and facetimed my boyfriend who answered after 2 attempts. I told him how horny I was and we had phone sex. I fingered myself as I watched him play with his balls and wank himself so perfectly. He came up his stomach and over his chest as I began to shake and cum all over the toilet seat. All the while I could taste his best friend’s cum at the back of my throat. I told him goodnight and that I loved him and I ended the call. Then I burst into tears.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning, I washed myself up in my friend’s shower and cried again before running into Ben eating cereal. I whispered to him and asked if we could talk in private. He said sure, but you could see he looked confused. I asked him what we should do and asked him what he was gonna say or do from here on out. He just told me “nothing, just act like we didnt do anything.” My heart sank. He said he enjoyed last night and asked if I wanted to get a lift back home with him, just us two. I refused and teared up as I walked away.

For two months it ate me up inside until I finally came clean to my bf. He cut ties with me and Ben and I physically cannot contact him on any social media or texts now. I’m too embarassed to show my face at his house, so I cant go there. Ben texted me late last week asking me if I was awake (it was 1 am). I knew what he wanted. I blocked his phone number and havent heard anything else from him now. I’m devestated, I truly am.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication

How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? All my girlfriends were clueless it even happened. They asked why I didn’t keep it a secret, but I just couldnt.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? I lost my bf because of one drunk night.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got to orgasm after it all happened which doesn’t usually happen a lot.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Swallowing cum. I don’t do it normally. Also losing my bf.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I thought I had strong willpower. Obviously not.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I went from a happy relationship to nothing. I don’t even enjoy masturbating anymore, knowing there’s no one there to care for me and do it for me.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has been fine my whole life. Having sex with others when in a relationship is a big no no and shouldn’t be looked at as cool.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Good

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!