What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles, CA
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? No
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 18
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Halloween Sex with a Bad Ending
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2009
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s half Puerto Rican, half white, and was on the lacrosse team so he had a great body. I will call him C. We lived in the same dorm during freshman year in college and met through mutual friends at a party. I was preoccupied with a different guy (D) he was friends with at the time, so I didn’t pay much attention to him at first, but always thought he was attractive, quiet and nice.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? On Halloween night, C asked me to be his beer pong partner at our friend’s house party. We were flirting the whole time and ended up winning, but didn’t want to continue playing because we had something else on our minds. We decided to walk back to our dorm and made pit stops along the way to make out. When we got back to the dorm we went to his room.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We closed and locked his door and started going at it. I gave him head (my first time giving oral sex) and soon after, he got on top of me and tried to stick it in, but I stopped him and said I was a virgin. He asked if I wanted to have sex or not. I thought about it for a second and said I wanted to. He grabbed a condom and put it on. It was uncomfortable at first, but after a minute or two the pain went away and I started to really enjoy it. After he finished, we decided to go take a shower together in the dorm bathroom (so romantic). We washed each other, I gave him more head, and we had sex a second time in there (without a condom this time, whoops!). It was great. We dried off and went back to his room and cuddled and talked. We had sex one last time (with a condom) and went to sleep.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I felt great besides being super sore and bleeding, but later that night that changed. Turns out that students from our dorm had heard us having sex and sat outside his door to listen. I think it was a group of around 10 of them. Long story short, I was sexually harassed and slut shamed by them and word spread fast throughout our dorm. I was teased and ridiculed and felt completely humiliated, while C got high fives from his buddies. A guy I had hooked up with before (let’s call him D) heard the news and was really angry about it. I stopped seeing D because he had been hooking up with my roommate behind my back. I think his ego was crushed because I didn’t want to have sex with him before. D got all of his friends to find me around campus and sexually harass me in public, shouting out in front of everyone what I had done and asking me vulgar questions about what went down that night. This went on frequently until March. Five whole months. In April I had found out that D had been paying his friends $10 each time they would find and harass me. I felt like I couldn’t escape. I even received messages online saying that I was a whore and that I should kill myself. C and I never hooked up again after that one night and never hung out, but about a month after all of this had started, he came over to my room one night and apologized about how I was being treated and said that it was completely unfair.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms, Plan B / Emergency contraception
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my roommate the next day and she immediately tried to make me feel bad about it. My friends were happy for me, but some harassed and made fun of me for it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I don’t regret the hookup at all, but if I had known what the aftermath would be like, I wouldn’t have even gone near D or C to begin with.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The excitement, new experience and being a little adventurous in the shower. That was hot.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The sexual harassment and humiliation that came after.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? My confidence definitely took a blow from the harassment, but that didn’t stop me from having sex with other guys that school year.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? When I say that my experience was very positive and not at all negative, I’m referring to the hookup itself and not the aftermath.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? The only sex I’ve ever had has been casual since I’ve never had a boyfriend. I cannot stand slut shaming and wish society would grow the hell up about how women are treated for being sexual. It takes two to tango, and ridiculing one while praising the other for it makes absolutely no sense. I think that society shouldn’t look down upon casual sex in general as much as it does. If consenting adults choose to have safe sex, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. Period.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s awesome! I will definitely be posting more of my experiences in the future when I have more time. Sex isn’t discussed nearly enough and I think that’s a damn shame.
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