What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? Middle Eastern
What continent do you live on? Asia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Fashion Illustrator
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Muslim
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? A lot
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Happy Friend Sex
How long ago did this hookup happen? one week
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? 15 years older. Grey hair. Skinnier than me. I had known him for over 3 years. We met when I jumped all over his equipment at a club where he was playing. I was not initially attracted to him at all. He was just fun to talk to and spoke English quite well. When he initially kissed me I was not into it and tried to get him off. I’m into younger, pretty boys with abs not intellectual skinny types who are into indie music. Other than that freak circumstance, I would never have imagined I could sleep with him. He walked me home and for some reason unknown to me (still not attracted) I invited him up. He just seemed so safe to be around and interesting. It was the possessive, hungry, unexpected way he grabbed my body before trying to kiss me again that turned me on. We now have an amazing friendship. We are super open with each other and I feel he’s a part of my family. I can’t imagine life without him. But every now and again our friendly banter/insults would turn into him grabbing my ass or licking my nipples or biting my lips and then I beg him for sex.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I arrived in the city early and asked to stay with him because my rental apartment wasn’t ready. We went out for lunch and then came back to his apartment. He was lying down on the couch playing some stupid wizard video game. I sat close to him. He started squeezing my tits and unbuttoned my shirt but was still playing the game. He then put it down and started sucking on them. He kept grabbing my body, occasionally poking at my self-confidence issues with regards to my weight (I’m not nearly medically overweight but tend to view myself as such) but it’s okay because he knows me so well and I don’t care what he thinks. We’re really good friends and I never feel uncomfortable around him. He kissed me and we moved into his room. He said we don’t have time but I said he was going to fuck me anyway. It’s strange because he always starts with essentially groping me but he always makes sure it’s me who begs for him to finish the job. It’s like a game.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He’s amazing with foreplay. The way he touches me feels illicit even though we have the most absurdly open, entirely non-romantic friendly relationship. He grabs, gropes, presses. He’s a bit of a slut (I won’t blow him bc I’m scared) and so has an intimate knowledge of the female body. He has no hang ups whatsoever. The touching alone gets me super wet and it’s not that easy for me. With him, it’s always a given. He then just stares at my body and touches me in appreciation (I don’t know how else to put it!) He pulled down my panties and went down on me. Then he got a condom, flipped me over, spanked me and penetrated me. I always know how to control him when he’s inside me. I fuck him at my own pace while tightening and releasing. He always moans like he’s in pain/ecstasy. Every time I do it he seems surprised that I have so much control over his sensation and loves it all over again. Then we did it missionary and I did the same. During, he’d bite my lips and I’d lick his. Sometimes if it gets really intense we’d both just start laughing. He always loses steam somewhere around the 3/4 mark (I complain and try to guilt him into carrying on but he doesn’t care) and I always blame it on his age. Even if neither of us come (which is a disqualifier in every other circumstance for me) I don’t really mind. It feels like we’re playing and it’s so much fun.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Nothing happened! We remain friends exactly as we were before it!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To cheer myself up
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few friends. They laughed and were not surprised.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The clean, happy, playful, charged physicality of it. It reinvigorated me after a weird weekend.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It wasn’t long enough.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? In general, my friendship and sex with him has given me an extremely positive “benchmark” for sex. I’ve had more satisfying sex, rougher sex, more intense sex, but sex with him is always the happiest. It’s light and carefree yet intimate, it’s titillating yet free of danger, stigma and judgement. He knows me, he knows my body, he knows how to play me and I know how to play him. This hookup (or series of) also made me see equality as an essential component of an enduring sexual relationship. It wouldn’t be the same if I was submissive to him or vice versa. It’s the constant tension between two equal partners, the game, that keeps it eternally fresh.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? No.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I didn’t want my first sexual encounter to be with someone I loved. I was just at a major turning point in my life where I was throwing off my society’s control over my body and sexuality and felt that I wanted to take control of my own sexuality and understand my own desires and needs without needing to attach to somebody else. For me casual hookups (fraught as they were with hypochodriachal STD and pregnancy scares) were very positive. I let go of so many hang ups, became miles more confident and really felt that I could breathe and be a natural, in-sync human being for the first time. Sometimes you just don’t have time to waste with someone you’re not obsessed with. Not everybody wants to bunker down with another person in their 20s. Casual hookups can be beautiful, fun, exciting. I’ve ended up good friends with most of them. Yes I wish to see the perception changed. There’s nothing wrong with it! I don’t men to shame anyone for their looks but most of the people who have hated on me for my preferences in this regard have been short, unattractive men who generally never pull and so use religion and misogyny to make themselves feel superior.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it! I don’t understand, when hookup culture is so all pervasive, that it can still be viewed so one-dimensionally. Thanks for changing the conversation!
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