What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Bodyworker
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bi-curious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
He Cheated with Me
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last month
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s a super cute, short latino guy that I know through other friends. I met him a few years ago but had a boyfriend at the time. We hung out a few times in group settings and I developed a little bit of a crush on him but the timing never quite worked out until our first hook up, back in February and then again last month.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He has a girlfriend and he was visiting from another state. I saw him and his girlfriend at a party and was bummed that he was in a relationship but kind of knew him to be a bit of a playboy. I purposely avoided meeting his girlfriend. A few nights later, his girlfriend had flown back home and we were out with mutual friends. He asked if he could crash on my couch that night and I knew he was interested. I felt bad but I really liked him and had recently gotten out of a long term relationship and just wanted to have fun so I said yes. He initiated everything but I was also clearly into it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He gave me the best oral sex I’ve ever had and then we had vaginal sex. We got together one more time during that trip and then again, last month we met up twice more while he was visiting from out of town. The last time we were together I gave him a blowjob but not to completion. The sex was really, really great. A little rough and there was some hair pulling but I love that kind of stuff. We would have sex multiple times at each night I saw him and sometimes it was also super slow and sweet. He’d sleep over and we’d have completely sober morning sex too. He asked me to keep it on the down low because he had a girlfriend but he told me he really liked me. The last time it ended we left it sort of open. I’m going to his state in a few weeks and we have tentative plans to meet up again but I feel more guilty doing it on his girlfriends home turf.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt guilty about having sex with someone else’s boyfriend. I was sort of hoping he’d end things with her but he says they’re happy and I believe him. I don’t really want anything more from him but I don’t like going behind another person’s back. I’ve never done anything like this before. I still really like him though and I’m sort of being selfish right now but I think I’ll have to end this soon before I start to get really attached.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told some of my friends. Some were just happy I got laid. I think they were all surprised and a couple were disappointed in me. They definitely look down on him for cheating and lying to his girlfriend.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt amazing to be desired and taken care of by someone. My last boyfriend wasn’t all that interested in sex and it messed me up. It was nice to be with someone who really enjoys sex and especially oral sex. It was a perfect, no strings attached, situation.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That he has a girlfriend and I did this to another girl. I know karma will come back to me and I’ll deserve what I get.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It’s opened up my mind to the idea of an open or polyamorous relationship with someone. I want to feel loved and desired but I don’t want to be in a serious relationship right now. It showed me things that I am looking for in a future partner as far as common interests and the way I want to be treated.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I wish he would be honest with his girlfriend and discuss the idea of an open relationship. I am not the first person he cheated with and I doubt I’ll be the last. I think people need to be more honest about what they want in a relationship and seek out people who feel the same.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex can be a beautiful way of connecting with someone and with yourself. I wish that it weren’t looked down upon in our society. I wish that society would be more accepting of open and casual relationships so that people don’t feel shame because of them.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a really cool idea and I can’t wait to see what comes out of it.
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