Race/ethnicity: Pacific Islander
Location: Southern U.S.
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Physician Extender
Religious affiliation: Ex-Catholic
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Hooking Up On Mushrooms
How long ago did this hookup happen? 17 years ago
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-With-Benefits
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He and I sang together in a college singing group. We were both new members to the group our freshman year. I thought he was an oddball – very quiet, eccentric, pensive, aloof, not easy for me to talk to, very hard to read in general. Considered weird but cool by most of the folks who knew him. Red hair. Stocky build. Freckles. Pale skin. Light blue eyes.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We both lived in the same dorm and had to hang out after final exams for a week (our singing group was asked to perform in a few graduation events). Our dorm was empty except for the two of us so he asked me if I wanted to move to the unused side of his dorm room (rooms were divided in half and his roommate had left for the summer). I didn’t think anything of it because at the time we’d known each other for a year and had a completely platonic relationship. I was not attracted to him in the slightest. During the week we hung out with mutual friends, I helped him dye his hair, and we went dumpster diving/thrifting in all the dorms for discarded items people had left behind. I felt like we were moving towards a decent friendship. Towards the end of the week he asked if I wanted to do shrooms with him. I never had before and was open to the experience, so we planned it for the next afternoon. We ate them with peanut butter on bread and went to an ice cream social. They kicked in right around the time we were decorating our sundaes, so he suggested we go to a quiet space to listen to music and trip.
We went to a meeting room used by our singing group friends and sat together on a couch. We sat there for several hours as people came and went. At one point during the trip a girl I knew (she was known for cheating on her boyfriends) came in and asked to borrow my lip gloss. She seductively applied it in front of him (licked her lips and all of that) and suddenly I felt very protective of him. I knew he had been interested in her but found her confusing and thought she liked to play games. I moved closer to him on the couch. Eventually everyone was gone except the two of us. Prince was playing (The Hits/The B-Sides). I remember touching his hand with mine, our fingers interlocking. I remember telling him the wall next to us was bubbling and moving and the people in the framed pictures were staring at us and I felt shy. I remember him telling me that no, they were smiling at us and were glad we were having a good time. Our fingers started fighting – like thumb war but with our hands. I remember moving our hands closer and closer to my mouth and I started sucking on his fingers. I totally instigated it. The whole thing was totally unplanned on my part.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed. A lot. He felt my breasts – eventually taking off my top and licking them. He fingered me and I’m pretty sure I gave him a hand job. I think we were naked from the waist up. I don’t remember if we went down on each other. It ended when we came down from our high. We were both out of it and I immediately felt embarrassed. I got up and told him I needed to get back to my room (by that time, I was staying with a group of girlfriends). I told him I’d see him tomorrow. When I got back to the dorm room, all my girlfriends began cheering and laughing at my disheveled appearance. They purposefully left us alone…in that room…with Prince as the soundtrack…because they wanted us to hook up. They thought we’d be cute together.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None. No discussion about history, though I knew he’d lost his virginity that year to his first girlfriend.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? The mushrooms made me do it. Seriously. I was not attracted to him before that.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Mushrooms. Very potent, hallucinogenic mushrooms. The trip lasted for nearly 12 hours from beginning to end.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was embarrassed to see him the next day. We planned on meeting up for dinner that night to talk things over. He came to my dorm room and sat next to me on the bed. I couldn’t look at him. But I felt this overwhelming urge to kiss him. So I did. We hooked up again completely sober and pretty much never left his bed or my bed for the next 3 days. I felt like I had fallen in love with him. I thought he was going to be my next great love. He told me that he’d had a huge crush on me the whole year, that he suggested I move into the unused side of his dorm room just so he could be near me. This was all news to me. Fast forward many years – we should have just chalked it up to a fantastic sexual experience on drugs and left it at that. Our attempt to have a real relationship afterwards absolutely bombed. We would fight and fuck, in that order. He was hot and cold – one minute he was all over me, the next he was aloof, cold, and critical. It only ended after I went abroad for a year and came back with a new boyfriend (a man who has been my husband for 13 years and counting).
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends. Eventually a therapist – who said this guy was a representation of my father (a cold, aloof, eccentric, critical type – I had to walk on eggshells around him my whole life). I was trying to win this guy over with sex, hoping the sex was good enough to make him want to be my boyfriend.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual. We were both into it. Yes, completely under the influence of drugs, but yes, both into it.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes and no. On the one hand – it was the most exciting, charged, electric, passionate sexual experience of my life. Just animalistic and raw. On the other hand, the train wreck that came afterwards was horrible. 1 amazing hook-up that turned into 3 years of crap.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general?: The best part was how it felt at the time – just vivid and free and amazing. We were tripping so everything was in neon technicolor. I felt very alive and desirable. The worst was not being able to make it work afterwards – the reality of not being able to have a real relationship with this person I had become so sexually attracted to.
It changed the way I think of romance, relationships, and sex. If the future of the human race depended on me procreating with another person, hands down I would want it to be him. We would have no issues in that department. But in terms of longevity – making it through hard times, being invested in the relationship, raising children, paying bills, building a life with someone – he would be the last person on earth I could do that with. And it took me a long time to figure that out.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Don’t hook up when you’re on hallucinogenic drugs. It’s a bad idea. Don’t do drugs with someone if there’s even a 5% chance you could end up hooking up with them before the night is over.
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