This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 40
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Vancouver
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Systems Administrator
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Over 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
A Hot Tub Party
How long ago did this hookup happen? 12 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? The one lady I had sex with that night was a Columbian girl who had actually grown up here with the host of the party. She’s a big girl, but also really strong. She was on her high school rugby team and was active in a lot of other things.
This was the first time my wife and I had met her though. I knew the party host for about a year or so before this, and there were two other women there that we’d had sex with before.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I recall that our host had planned this a bit. His parents were out of town for the weekend and he had free reign of their house, which had a pool and a hot tub. We had maybe a few days’ notice, so it was fairly spontaneous.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? There was our male host A there, my wife N, the newest girl L, and the other two can be assigned X and Y purely to avoid any confusion.
We had a couple drinks before we all got naked for the hot tub, and we were pretty relaxed and comfortable with each other. I can’t remember much about the conversation, as this was a long time ago. I recall we had started by getting frisky with each other in the tub. After a while though, X got sick from the combination of the booze and the hot tub, so we gave that up and took things inside where things started to get heated up. And, er, kind of complicated.
I don’t think that sex was the main focus of the intent of the party, just more of its inevitable outcome. As a result of this, both my wife and Y were on their period, and didn’t really have any intention of having sex. On the other hand, I knew X intimately well before this day, and she was keen on trying anal sex with me before this, but tonight just wasn’t her night. I quietly suggested it, but she was apprehensive about doing something like that for the first time with such a big audience, and she was still not feeling well.
L on the other hand, was intensely horny from the hot tub. I never bothered to ask if she was up for taking it up the butt, because I just didn’t know her very well (and I don’t think anyone heard the conversation between X and I), so I just started going down on her in the middle of the rec room floor while everyone else was hanging out and watching us go at it. A actually filmed us on his phone for a while too. After I made her cum several times that way, I grabbed a condom and we started fucking through several positions. I managed to last a long time and made her cum several more times.
After I came we sort of hung out for a bit before L dragged A away to another room for the night. I don’t really remember much else from that night, except that we all stayed the night and went home in the morning. I remember having to ask my wife what L’s name was, because I’m terrible at remembering these kinds of details. It’s also not the first time (or the last!) I’ve had to ask my wife “what’s her name again?” after having sex with someone.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I think we were all pretty happy with how things went down that night, except maybe one or two might have been a bit disappointed that they didn’t have sex. My wife N said she’d had lots of fun, and she’s often content to watch.
We later got to be good friends with L, although I can’t remember having sex with her again. She likes to travel and spend extended periods of time overseas, teaching English, so contact with her has been spotty. For a while, she dated another one of our friends before she came out as a Lesbian, which was a bit weird for me, yet we’re all a very accepting bunch, so water under the bridge and all.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Oh, just everyone present, really.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Hot tub party! Pseudo-group sex.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? X got sick.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? My wife and I have had an open relationship since the day we met, because she was seeing another guy casually on the side. Things only got more intense after we married. As a result of this, I have literally had sex with more people since we married than before. We’ve had more than a few regular fuck buddies over the years.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s an awesome way for people to speak out about the experiences that are actually more normal than society wants to admit, but otherwise can’t talk about, because sex is a private thing that you can’t really share publicly any other way.
Also, that’s some very interesting research you guys are doing. I’ve read other studies along these lines and the subject of human sexuality (as a field of study, like what you’re doing) is one that holds a great deal of intellectual interest to me.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!