by Just Judy
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Lawyer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Hotel bar pickup
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last month
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Dan was tall, at least 6’3″, maybe even a bit taller. I’m 5’2″ but would have been 5’5″ that night in heels. Anyway, he was tall and thin but not lanky, with dark hair and an early receeding hairline. It must have been a point of shame for him, because his picture was cropped just so to hide it.
I found Dan through craigslist (more on that below) and let him pick me up from my hotel bar on a work trip. So I didn’t know him at all, but we spent an hour or so over drinks while I calmed my nerves and got comfortable with the idea of fucking a stranger.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was traveling for work and couldn’t get the idea of a random hookup out of my mind. I placed an ad on CL, but before I got any responses, I saw Dan’s ad, which could have been my own. Married, 30s, in town for work, “never done this before.” I sent him a message saying I was visiting too and had a fantasy of being picked up at the hotel bar. We exchanged pictures and flirtatious emails for a few hours, and then I headed to the bar to wait.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I wasn’t sure how to move things from the bar to my room, so I was relieved when Dan told the bartender we were ready to close out the tab. Dan paid, grabbed my hand, and led me to the elevators. We joked about pretending we knew each other when others were in the elevator with us.
In my room, I excused myself to make sure I hadn’t left anything out with my real full name, and Dan remarked that my hotel was much nicer than where his company had him staying. We kissed at the foot of the bed, and I kicked off my shoes.
I asked him if he was interested in taking a shower with me, and he was, so we did. The height difference made shower sex a no go, but I went down on him in the shower. When we were done in the shower, we moved to the bed. He went down on me. Eventually, we had sex in a number of positions, and I was really impressed by his stamina. When we’d both finished, I told him he could stay or go (his choice). He ended up sleeping over, which I was fine with, and he left very early to get back to his hotel before a meeting. When he left, he kissed me goodbye (I was still asleep) and said to let him know what my plans were for that night. I said, “We’ll see.” He laughed and left, and that was that.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Nothing. I felt fine the next day and fine now. Since my marriage is not open, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don’t.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Not a soul.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Spontaneous nature
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, my views are the same. I’d do it again.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? There was no role for casual sex in my life prior to about six months ago when I decided my sexless marriage wasn’t enough for me anymore. I wish my husband were more open to the idea so I didn’t have to hide it from him, but ultimately, that alone isn’t enough to keep me from pursuing it.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s amazing. Such a relief to have an outlet and to read about other folks’ experiences.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!