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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 49
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? self employed
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 48
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

House Calls

How long ago did this hookup happen? six months

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met on a dating site, and although we never spelled out our relationship, and I was ideally looking for something more serious, it was clear because he was a medical resident and working 80-100 hours a week, it could only be casual. Still I agreed to meet him, because he seemed unconventional and smart, and was my type physically, a tall, broad shouldered, dark-skinned black guy, very driven, but from the south so at the same time also kind of laid-back and with a drawl.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had a first very brief date for drinks (30 minutes was all he had!) but we really enjoyed talking and couldn’t stop smiling at each other. He was a few years younger than me, and although he was divorced like me, he had no kids (I have teenagers). When it was time for him to go, he walked me to my car, and we kissed briefly. No tongue but a nice kiss, and an obvious mutual attraction. We later texted and made plans to meet up again soon.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The next time we saw each other I went to his place, I was a bit nervous and shy, knowing what would happen. I’d just come from an opening where I’d had a glass of wine quickly. I knew neither of us had much time, so I was really just going there for sex, and had some apprehension about that.
At his place we had drinks and talked for a bit on the couch, about an 45 minutes or an hour maybe. He was physically affectionate, hugged me when I arrived, and put his arm around me on the couch. Soon we were making out on the couch. Kissing again he seemed reluctant at first to use his tongue, but was still very passionate so it was okay. Eventually he really got into kissing me, tongue and all, and was obviously very turned on. He stood me up and put his hands under my dress to take off my tights, kissing me and hugging me the whole time. He stood and started unbuttoning my dress, but I didn’t want to get undressed in the living room, was thinking the neighbors might see as his blinds were open. So he led me into his bedroom, where somehow between my arriving and that moment he’d gone and lit candles without me noticing. He undressed me and undressed himself, and we laid down on the bed cuddling and kissing. Soon he started going down on me and although it was the first time and we barely knew each other, it felt wonderful. His tongue pressed firmly right into my clit and his huge hands were gripping my ass cheeks, pulling me to him. He did this for a bit till I was very close to coming, then he put two fingers in me, fucking me with his fingers, gently at first then harder, pushing up toward my g-spot, and soon I had a very intense orgasm, squeezing my legs around his head, and almost starting to squirt. Then we slowly untangled and started kissing some more. I went down on him, enjoying trying to fit his whole very nicely-sized penis in my mouth, he seemed to really enjoy it but stopped me soon as he didn’t want to come yet. He started fucking me then, slow at first then deep and hard, with my legs up on his shoulders. He quickly had to stop again, seemed to be on the verge of coming and not ready for it to end. It was a little frustrating for me to keep stopping and starting, but I loved that he was so turned on. Then he turned me over and entered me from behind, and came very quickly that way, he was quiet about it when it happened so I wasn’t sure. But he said yes, it felt great, he was very enthusiastic.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After a few minutes of kissing and cuddling we both got up and dressed and I left to get back to my kids and he to his studying. All in all I had been there less than two hours, but it was a very pleasant and satisfying experience, and one that we repeated many times over the next several months.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few friends heard about the first few meetings, in the context of my dating stories, not many knew how it evolved into a purely FB type of relationship, which was something I enjoyed but wasn’t sure my friends would approve or understand.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? A mutual attraction, feeling that we fit and worked together well as lovers, were very quickly able to have mutually satisfying sex. I also enjoyed talking and hanging out as he had had a very interesting life, very different from mine, and I enjoyed hearing about it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? We struggled to find the time to get together with both of us having busy schedules (especially him), and when we were together it was always very brief, we only were able to spend the night together twice in six months, and both times he had to leave by 6am.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I’ve always been supportive of the idea of casual sex in general but I think it took until this relationship (at age 48!) for me to really engage in it without guilt (or too much guilt).

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? The only reason it was a little negative was that we didn’t talk clearly about what our needs or expectations were at first, and although I assumed he wasn’t looking for a relationship, i still was open to it happening so had a little hope of something more.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I had a lot of sex and lovers before marriage/kids/divorce and I didn’t really feel guilty about it, had mostly shortish relationships and a few one-night-stands. I’ve had a harder time navigating it and feeling good about it all as an older woman. In general I’m extremely supportive of people expressing their sexuality however they see fit, and wish we all faced less stigma about it!

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a wonderful idea! Great to read other peoples stories.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!