What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 37
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Philippines
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Business
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
In Sexless Marriage, Wife Finds a Fuck Buddy
How long ago did this hookup happen? Latest was 3 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He responded to my ad on Craigslist where I said I needed a FWB situation because I was in a sexless marriage to a bisexual man. He’s not personally my type but he is attractive, charming & smart. Tall, dark, younger than me by 7 years. I just found his response to my ad after 10 months, I think it’s meant to be. We hooked up only twice but I’m hoping for more. He’s very open minded, knows about my situation & frustrations. He’s also very understanding and VERY experienced. I messaged him on a Monday, we met on wednesday & had sex immediately after. I contacted him again after 8 days & we met the following day in his hotel room (he’s not from the same city as me, only for work).
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was clear from the very beginning that we were meeting for sex only. I picked him up at the airport in the morning, we checked in to a short time place immediately after. He asked me my story & I told him the parts to what led me to posting a personal ad (rip) on craigslist. He understands, he’s very empathetic & articulate. He says he was even surprised at how attractive I was (*snort*). I’m a fairly conservative person but I love sex. But being in a sexless marriage with a bi man, who doesn’t even sleep in the same bed as you & also diabetic to boot, it does a number on your self esteem.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Before my husband, i was a virgin. We didn’t mess around. And my husband isn’t really well-endowed, so our sex life is pretty boring & lackluster. And we always did it with the lights off.
The first hookup:
Imagine my surprise (and delight) when the hookup wanted the lights on, and even complimented my curvy body. This is a very sensitive subject for me because I have body dysmorphia. I was shocked that he made out with me & stuck his (very skilled) tongue down my throat. I didn’t have any idea how hookups went, & I didn’t expect to be kissed like THAT but I welcomed it. He got hard from just us making out and it was thrilling for me because my husband never made me feel attractive. He slowly made his way down to my chest, and he was looking up at me the whole time my breasts were in his mouth & I got a little self conscious. Then he removed my underwear and started going down on me. My husband has gone down on me before but having a different man go down on you enthusiastically is a feeling I can’t get over. After I came, he moved us to a 69 position and his cock was glorious. Well endowed and hard for days. I came again in that position. He then fucked me missionary & he was staring at me the whole time. I don’t know how many variations of the missionary position we did but damn he had skills. Then he lifted me to sit on his lap & then I was riding him until I came again. We rested for a bit because my knees were shaking, and then he was behind me and fucking me doggy style (which I also haven’t tried until now). He fucked me like that until he came & he pulled out. There was a condom provided by the hotel which I pointed out to him but he just nodded his head & continued to kiss me. It was the best sex of my life.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We cleaned up, and I drove him to his office. I thanked him for being a gentleman & spending time with me despite the short notice. He says he hopes our paths will cross again. It was a dilemma for him because he will be based in another city for work but he was glad that we met. I expected to feel guilty after the hookup but I honestly do not. I’m stressed out from work, being a mother to 2 kids below 10, having my monster-in-law live with us, and having no social life. I think I deserved to feel desirable and wanted. Sex is a part of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs after all.
I tried contacting him again after 8 days & he responded the next day to say that he will be in the city & we can meet up. So I met him for the 2nd time, 9 days after our first hookup, and the sex is still amazing, and he’s more at ease with me now, making jokes, having casual conversation. He kissed me passionately before we left his room and he walks me to my car. Then he kisses me on the cheek as I tell him to take care of himself. We don’t make plans when to meet next. I don’t want to get too attached. He did say that he resigned from his old work in the capital & he was in my city for job interviews. I honestly don’t know if I’ll see him again. He knows my situation & knows this is only casual for me but for my sake, I hope we hook up again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Revenge / Getting even
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Best friend only. She was very supportive because she knows my story and my situation and she feels I deserve to be happy.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Gaining a friend, gaining experience, finally knowing and experiencing what I have been missing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I had to do it at this stage in my life.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. My husband flirted with other people a lot, even bringing a man in to our home when I was out of town. But I excused his selfishness and behavior because I wanted to keep our marriage intact. I forgave him but I haven’t forgiven myself for excusing his behavior & being blind. In a way, this is a kind of revenge to him, but this is mostly for me.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I hope our paths cross again.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish single people in my very Catholic, conservative ountry were more open minded to it, rather than suffer years later in their marriages.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? What a relief that this site exists.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!