by Shandra

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 31
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 19 ( not sure w oral)
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

In the Living Room

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1.5 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is exactly my type. Tall -6’2”- thin but great broad shoulders and muscular abs. Shaggy brown hair though it’s graying and a chiseled jaw. A lovely wide smile and green eyes. European. I met him on Ashley Madison and it’s funny because we’d chatted but I didn’t know if we’d meet. When I first saw him in person he was older than I expected but by the end of the meet up I leaned in kissed him and said “I really want to make out with you” – we didn’t get together that day. It wasn’t long after though so I barely knew him when we first hooked up, which is a turn on for me. Before that first hook up I was nervous but excited although still uncertain about going through with it.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We both planned it. It was at his place as his partner was away.  It was actually a day earlier than planned because I had a chance to get some time alone after work. I sat next to him on his couch in my work clothes, he gave me a glass of wine and I was almost shaking while we chatted. Then he put his glass down and said “I thought you wanted to make out with me?”

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed for a long time. Then I thought we would undress and I undid my pants but suddenly he got very dominant and told me I wasn’t allowed to get undressed. He then slowly undressed me turning me around and bending me over so he could enjoy looking me over. I can’t remember everything after but after he got me naked he gave me the most amazing oral sex and then laid me back on his coffee table and pounded me. He has a nice big cock – uncut and thick. When he came inside me I was so elated. The situation felt sort of electric. After I sat in his lap and he was holding me and stroking me and he told me I was the first black girl he ever had. It was odd but something about him got me because I went back two days later and I’ve been sleeping with him the last year and a half. No one else can satisfy me like he can.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After we kept seeing each other things got interesting… We consider each other friends but sometimes it seems like it could be more. But we both have significant others. I may be in love with him – not because of the sex although that is amazing.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? One friend was shocked.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I thought I couldn’t orgasm before him.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? At that time none. Now probably that I can’t enjoy sex as much with anyone else.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. He’s had a huge impact on allowing me to explore my sexuality. I think I may be poly I didn’t want to/ feel I had the option to consider that before

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m ok with it. Sometimes I feel bad that people will judge me. If I wasn’t female I don’t think I would have any issue

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love reading it

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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