What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? N/A
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? ~35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 weeks
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was one of my closest friends 20 years ago. We’d met in a high school science class. Always had fun together. He’d wanted to date from almost the beginning. I wasn’t aware of it until about a year in. We saw each other less once we both were in college. The summer I was 19 he asked if I’d date him and I was recovering from a rape trauma and shut him out of my life. I always beat myself up over that. We reconnected on FB a few years ago and were both in monogamous relationships then. Kept in touch sporadically. Both our statuses changed (his to open and mine to deadbedroom due to husband’s illness) in the past 1.5 years.
We talked one day for 5 hours by phone. Started texting one another for hours. Turned flirty, not explicit, and we made plans to meet after about 2 months. Sex was never mentioned but being physical, kissing esp, was.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I spontaneously drove to his house one evening after he said he’d like company. On the way there I got a text of his sexy legs resting in the tub. Drool.
He met me at my car. I hadn’t seen him 20 years and we hugged and couldn’t let go for an hour. We were both trembling and breathing heavily. I’ve never felt an energy so powerful generated between myself and someone else and likely won’t again.
We’ve always loved and respected one another. Our timing was never good before.
We sat on a couch and took turns holding each other. I asked him to tell me a story from his life that I didn’t know. He told a vulnerable and powerful story about a hard transition he’d been through.
I told him how much I’d grieved the way I shut him out and feared I’d hurt him.
He pulled his head up from my chest and looked me in the eyes and I whispered his name and we kissed and there were beautiful waves of lust and love rippling into the universe.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed on the couch. Time ceased to exist. He took my hand and asked me to come upstairs with him. He had to help me walk to the bannister. I was so turned on I could barely stand.
We went into a bedroom and he took off my clothes. I love gardening and had stuck herb leaves in my bra earlier in the day b/c I liked the smell. We both had a giggle when they fell out.
Still trembling and lost in each other, he lay on top of me and we kissed and pressed together and made love.
It had been 4 years since I’d had sex. I was stoned on the whole experience and could barely feel my body and told him to cum if he was ready. He did. We lay still and talked. He said he’d wanted to do that for 20 years and told him I hoped he wanted to do it again and again.
Later, we lay cuddled together and started to kiss and he led me back to the bed. I gave him head and we 69’d and had sex again with me on my knees and I came quite satisfyingly.
He was surprised at my enthusiasm for his cock and so was I. I’d never felt so enamored of a penis before.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I was tired and reflective. A part of me knew we’d likely hook up but another part hadn’t considered it because it was unfaithful.
I’ve seen him several times since – about once a week. My husband and I have talked and agreed to having sexual partners outside the relationship.
We’ve had phenomenal sex every time we’ve met up and also great conversation and lots of fun together. He’s committed to and loves his gf and I have a family that I love and want to keep so it works out well. No pressure or expectations. We’ve discussed how to stay friends if we no longer can have sex – if our situations change – and I’m enjoying the moment.
I’ve done a lot of things with him that I’d wanted to try. I feel free and safe with him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Discussed STI testing history, Plan B / Emergency contraception
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To cheer myself up
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My cousin first. She was very happy for me. Have since shared with close friends and family.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The near-religious physical and emotional chemistry sparked between us. That has waned (expectedly) but the passion and desire are still quite intense.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it was hurtful to my spouse because we hadn’t talked about it beforehand.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It’s given me enormous sexual freedom, contentment, and led to healthy changes in my life. I have a ravenous sex drive for the time in my life and am pretty well fulfilled.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If for any reason you have a chance to fuck someone who has desired you for a long time and can safely do so, I highly recommend it. Also, don’t forget that sex is a biological need and makes your brain work better. Get it in.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve had lots of casual sex in my life, but stopped when I married 10 years ago.
I didn’t enjoy it at the time. I had hangups that I no longer have time for in middle age. Only one other time had I orgasmed with a first-time partner.
Casual sex is wonderful if you’re mature and doing it for mutual pleasure and know how to avoid the pitfalls of drama.
No judgement of myself or anyone involved in any consensual sex.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Seems great.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!