by Kai

Gender: Female
Age: 38
Race/ethnicity: Mixed race
Location: France
Highest education received: High school diploma
Occupation: Artist
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: No religion
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Liberated
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None


How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Fuck buddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was a very handsome and charismatic man of 1 year older than me. We never met before but met shortly after talking on the net. When i first met him that sunday evening, i was just finishing a two days fast and we joked about it. The first thing that stroke me was how feminine he was, the way he was chewing his gum and his height. He was my height.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had no place he could go to so we could only hook up in bars, drink massive amounts of alcohol and then we ll finished at his place, always  different, in the middle of Paris, when we would talk for hours before making love. We would always hang out to places for drink and dancing before heading to his place he borrowed to female friends i didnt know. He would always give me a different adress. Pigale, montmartre, 17 eme aso…we would laugh and share artistic videos and music before not being able to resist each other anymore and make love…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Whenever i would meet him, i would take all the time in the world, i was so happy. So in love. We would always smile at each other when we were meeting three times a week. We would laugh and laugh and laugh. I never had an orgasm maybe because he said he was going out with several other persons. 
Which is what made me totally opening to sexuality.
Because we werent together i was completely forgetting about my body complexes, my muslim upbringing which taught me that everything was forbidden. I started dressing absolutely beautiful for him, with flower tights and lingerie very delicate. Silks and some time coming breast naked. I have a heavy breast and it was a statement for me not to wear a bra. He touched me and realise and it got him so turned on.
He was a beautiful man. But he didnt like me falling in love with him even though i didnt mind sharing him if i had to.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used condoms.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? To liberate myself in many ways, all the taboos werent taboos anymore. My body was beautiful and i celebrated it. No more stopping. No more shame. No more hidding. I also realise that we dont own no one. I learned to share. To know that i cant know for sure if a man is being truthful or not. So i might as well not suffer from it and let them be free. And so can I. Be free. And be with whomever i want or need.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Lots of alcohol. No drugs.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I didnt have much hope. What liberated me, his many partners had the best of me. Even though i accepted it, he didnt like me feeling for him or caring for him.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My work collegue. He thought at one point i will get burned. So, to watch out, to leave before it hurts.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Of course it was.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? The only regret i have is that it is over. I really loved him but in a special way. I loved ME with him. He pushed me to my limits.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It totally freed me from all the bad that i had with sex. All they told me was how bad and nasty was sex. Marriage in obligatory aso…
This relationship changed everything i knew and it was beautiful. 
I know today i dont own no one. And i am free. 
To feel in love is the way to feel about life. 
I am yet to feel as in love with me as i was when was with him.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Do it. Casual sex is good because it allow you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. So be safe of course, but do it. It opens new horizons. Sure.

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