What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? San Diego
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? RN
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Submissive, Masochist
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 16
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Learning how to casual sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Tall, stocky build, multiracial, attractive. We met online for the purpose of causal sex, had texted a lot prior to meeting, had met a couple times prior to having sex. We hooked up several times over a 8 or 9 month period.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After texting a lot and meeting a couple times, he texted me one night to meet him at his office. I met him there, we went out for drinks and then went back to his office.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We spent a lot of time in his office talking. Kissing lead to making out which lead to oral sex. I playfully teased and resisted, which lead to some satisfying rough sex and being mercilessly held down and fucked. We had sex many times throughout the night and early morning until we were out of condoms.

This encounter was my first orgasm during vaginal sex; my first orgasm with someone else in the room, actually.

I found the whole experience to be quite liberating. Not just because I was newly out of an abusive 17 year marriage, this wasn’t my first post-divorce hookup. The lack of a relationship, the lack of any expectations… there was only he and I and our basest animal desires and nothing else.

Those base animal desires included cuddling and kidding and kissing and dozing and every awkward crazy position of fucking and sucking we could think of whenever our energy returned after collapsing into each other’s arms and basking in the afterglow of our latest orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was conflicted afterward. I was confused by my affection for him because I absolutely did not want a relationship. I also fretted about his feelings for me. I was worried that he might want a relationship, while at the same time sort of offended that we could share so much intimacy and he would not want a relationship. We continued to hook up, and I eventually got into the groove of how to maintain casual sex relationships, and I got comfortable having mutual affection for my partners without the threat of anyone wanting more.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more confident, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few close girlfriends and my sister. Their reactions ranged from “you go, girl!” to “I’m happy for you, but be careful out there.”

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The relief of FINALLY having an orgasm during sex and realizing that I’m not broken.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? He moved away. He was a good lover, and I miss hooking up with him.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It was part of a period of growth for me, getting comfortable with my own needs and desires.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? On the issue of coercion, I have only felt coerced into sex while in a relationship. With casual sex, my partner has no control over my life, no power outside of the power I give him within the confines of our agreed upon sexual encounter. I have come to the realization that I have some fetishes in terms of submission and pain, and have found many fulfilling casual sex relationships that do not cross over into my everyday life. I want a man in my bed controlling me, but I don’t want him living in my house, all up in my business, controlling my life.

In general, I find casual sex to be much more than physical satisfaction. The freedom to intertwine so intimately with another human being for that brief moment when our paths intersect is quite magical.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like the concept. I think that sexual norms are changing for the better in our culture.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!