What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Germany
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 13
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
“Let Me Massage You”
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last year
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This was during my final year at university and I was in an on-again/off-again long distance relationship for almost 4 years. One of my closest friends had a big night out for her birthday, with lots of singing, dancing, and general debauchery. She invited friends over, and I was meeting some of them for the first time. We all lived in a cozy, small town and I had heard plenty about them before. Her tall, dark, humorous friend which I will call C immediately caught my attention. I liked how cheerful C was and how cute his smile was. We had entertaining conversations, either including the whole room into our banter or just between the two of us. The birthday girl, when we were walking from her flat to the main venue, said she could tell we had great, sexy chemistry. They had been friends-with-benefits for a while, and I felt like she was giving me the green light to go ahead with C. I felt unsure though. I was intrigued by this guy, who was handsome confident, self-deprecating and playful. However, I didn’t know if our flirting could lead to anything more.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We danced the night away, and I noticed that he talked to a lot of the other girls at the venue. After some time I wanted more of his attention. We bought each other shots and also water, to keep us drunk and hydrated. I liked how we were looking out for each other. The joking and flirting continued, and eventually the party melted away as people went home. C and I landed at his place. He put on music, asking which genre I preferred, poured me some wine, and we talked and cuddled. During that conversation, C asked me about what I found sexually arousing and if I hooked up a lot. That pretty much sealed the deal for me. I loved how he was testing the water first since it showed consideration. During the night I had opened up to him about my long term/long distance situation, and he had in return told me some confidential things about himself too. By that time it was 4a.m., and I think I kissed him first, we undressed as we walked from the sofa to his bed.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Once we got there he fondled my breasts, complimented me and fingered me. It didn’t do much for me, so I got up, pushed him gently down and sucked his dick until it was hard. He gasped a few times, then got a condom from a pack under his bed, I unrolled it on him whilst also holding eye-contact. I Honestly I can’t remember which position we started on and which when he finished, but we both smiled at each other as I straddled him and slowly guided his dick inside me. I remember that as I was on top at some point. I looked down on him and after some time closed my eyes. At that moment I was so perfectly content. Here was a sweet guy, perhaps not the most endowed, but still fun and it was the most sought after I felt in some time. He came pretty quickly and seemed embarrassed that I hadn’t.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We put on our underwear and just laid next to each other for a few moments. We giggled and talked. I learned he had done many, many more hook-ups in the past, and that it hurt his pride that I hadn’t climaxed. He then got up, returned with a jar of coconut oil, and said, “Well, if you didn’t have an orgasm, at least let me do one thing for you, and let me give you a massage”. I obliged happily. After I was sufficiently pampered, I insisted on getting dressed and going back to my place. He seemed almost impressed with my resolve of getting home to sleep in my own bed. We exchanged numbers, as well as empty promises of “Lets, do this again”. I walked home in sunrise quite pleased with myself.
I like this person a lot. He has qualities I admire and a fun-loving attitude towards life. We saw each other plenty times after that night, always keeping things flirtatious, and he tried asking me out. I felt comfortable around him, and occasionally on night outs with mutual friends we would hold hands or kiss, but we never hooked up again. I just didn’t feel the urge to have sex with him again. Looking back at it now, it was a perfect one-night stand at a time where my boyfriend and I just didn’t have our shit figured out. I knew through a friend that C was trust-worthy and discreet, and he helped me out with some advice, more shots if needed or a shoulder to cry on towards the end of my time at university.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I spoke about it with my roommates and also the best-friend that pointed our chemistry out to me. All of them were encouraging and most importantly, the friend didn’t seem bothered that I hooked up with someone that had previously been ‘her’ friend-with-benefits.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I liked how unexpected and out-of-character it was for me. I felt like a gained a friend after that night, someone I could be painfully honest with, plus he kept complimenting me and overall the experience made me feel more secure with my sexual prowess.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I haven’t told my boyfriend about this, even now as we have spoken about wanting to have an open relationship. At the time of the hookup, we weren’t exclusive or “back together”, and it feels like I want to keep one or two things to myself. I am not 100% sure how he would react, hence I avoid sharing in great detail the fun stuff I did when I was abroad for four years.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I felt empowered to just live my best life. And I learned that casual sex doesn’t always have to have messy strings attached if the consenting adults talk things through, and set their expectations straight, before and after the main events.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I had really soft skin for days.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love how it offers a platform for people to have a dialogue about something a lot of people engage it, but perhaps society has taught us to not talk about. Writing this up has also made me (for perhaps the first time) actually reflect on my sexual history in greater detail.
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