What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Germany
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 26
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 16

“Let’s Not Have Sex” – FAILED

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ll call her Iry, she’s my age, we connected via tinder on Nov 16. We pretty much got along very well from the very start, our chat was switching from irony to nonsense to serious issues with no effort and it was very easy to communicate. Before we met we called each other twice, talking for a couple of hours. Since she was living in a city 30km away, both of us had no intention of just making it a sex thing. Besides, I felt like going for something more substantial than my normal fuck-buddy-thing. I actually shut those connections down while I was getting to know her better (aside from the story “A Spicy Taste of India”, which happened while I was travelling for 6 weeks and aside from the woman from the story “I Got My Mojo Back”, that I ran into accidently, but we just made out and nothing else happened. But I’ll crash at her place in 3 weeks from now. So I almost managed to shut these down 😀 ). Once I actually met up with a fuck buddy after I had seen Iry and left my fuck buddy without any action because I had Iry still on my mind. I really imagined her as a girl friend and therefore didn’t want to spoil things with having sex too early. I don’t know if it makes sense, but I think having sex too early kind of prevents a connection to exceed a certain level in depth. Not necessarily, but possibly. Feel free to discuss.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met up 3 times in December, then I went on vacation, and then we met again at the beginning of march. We met at her apartment that she just moved into. She was awaiting a technician that Friday night, so I brought some beer and we chatted. Then we went out for a walk and some drinks and chatted some more. Went back to her place, we found each other laying on her bed suddenly, with her telling me to check train times to get home somehow. That didn’t happen.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I kissed her and she responded with kissing back, which was very nice, what led to heavy cuddling and dry humping, with both of agreeing, that we won’t have sex that night. While agreeing on that, I was probably already undressing her… I don’t know. The heat of the moment. I went down on her for a quite a bit and we had sex with a condom, missionary and doggy style. I was a bit too drunk to perform as I would’ve liked to, but yeah. We took a break caressing each other, me getting hard again and fucking her bareback, something I hadn’t done for like 10 years. I don’t why I did it, it’s totally against my principles, maybe I had this substantial thing in mind, that it’ll lead to something serious, and therefore, for whatever reason…whatever. It was getting heavy pretty fast, I couldn’t hold it anymore in missionary, pulled out and came on her stomach. Her instant reaction was “No, you didn’t…”, actually in English, not in German. Damn it. I really think cumming on someone is somehow degrading and I felt really bad about it.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? She cleaned up 15min in the bathroom which gave me some time to think about it. She asked me to sleep on the couch. Not sure if that crashed the whole thing, but it was seriously awkward afterward.
We met up a week later for a concert, I tried to connect physically a couple of times, but she was reluctant. Before we parted ways, we briefly discussed what this was all about and agreed that something is missing. Well, first she said she doesn’t feel it, and I had to agree, so in the end, it’s not a big deal it didn’t work out. Still a pity. We’ve not had contact since then.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some friends now we’ve hooked up, no details.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I liked her, I enjoyed the sex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? bareback, cumming on her stomach.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not generally. I just decided to go for less casual sex. Not sure it’ll work out.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’ve not put so much time into an acquaintance for over ten years. If ‘it’ doesn’t happen on the 2nd date, I’m normally out. This time I wanted to try a different approach and failed, which doesn’t mean I won’t try again. I will most likely do. Getting laid is pretty easy compared to finding a real partner and I’ve decided to find a partner.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? :*

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!