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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? South America
What country and/or city do you live in? Bogota, Colombia
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student and writer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? More than 40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Lie of Beauty

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was very handsome and very careful with his looks. Light colored eyes, trimmed short black beard, dyed hair, a couple piercings, multiple (meaningless, his words) tattoos, a whole closet of clothes in the light pink range. He was a tiny bit chubby and hairy in all the right ways.
He was the kind of handsome person one sometimes desires to be liked by, but whom rarely do so. We met up on Grindr and quickly got rid of chit/chat.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was fun to talk to him, and we ended up hooking up at a convenient hour for the both of us: the early hours before sunrise on a Sunday morning. I usually propose first to meet, and I think it was the same here. The cooky hour of the hookup had to do with the availability of his house at that hour, which worked fine for both of us since we´d have to work the rest of the day (he said so, and I work at home). Here´s the place where I clarify this is also about the day after when we met again in the evening.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? That morning was nice. We cuddled a lot, sucked each other off repeatedly. He liked to have his nipples bitten. His dog became restless and we had to shut him out of the room. He was very cautious but had a firm hand handling me (I was much smaller than he was). I like to kiss a lot, and he didn´t say he didn´t; however, he didn´t always open his mouth or kissed me back. He fucked me twice, one on each one of our encounters. The real highlight, though, was the shower. We turned on the how water and cuddled and kissed and groped each other. I had never done that with anyone, and I have to admit few things have felt so good.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After our second hookup, I left at midnight in a cab. I had not enough money, so he lent me some and we worked out the details to meet for coffee later that week, both so I could give him the money and talk some more. I thought he liked me, and part of me was very ready to throw out the window the reservations I always have about hookups.
He ghosted me. There is nothing, NOTHING, that I find more disrespectful or inconsiderate. I understand some people think its a very clear way of letting the other person know they´re not interested, but I think its just easy. I try not to do it myself because I worry about how people might feel, and I´ve discussed it at length with my few lesbian friends and straight friends, and they all agree. To this day, if I´m honest, a stupid bit of hope still exists that he´ll talk to me again. But I´ve been here before. I know he won´t. And even if he did, I would just not answer: what kind of situation would I expect with someone prone to simply blocking you off?

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? MDMA, ecstasy, molly

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends. They were all very comprehensive and understanding.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? Because it was very, very nice while it lasted, but the memory is tarnished with his latter behaviours. Don´t get me wrong: every hookup is an educational experience, but some burns heal a bit slower.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The shower. He responded passionately to all my advances when we were naked in the dark shower, with all the steam. It was unexpectedly intense.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The ghosting bit. Part of me feels bad for his boyfriends and next hookups, part of me would like to kick his teeth in, and part of me is black and blue.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I closed Grindr shortly after that. Hurt makes you seek relief, and relief can mean more and more sex. So after a couple of failed attempts after him, I decided I wanted to stop with the casual sex thing for a while, as well as the dating part I had been attempting since November last year.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I ended up wondering if beautiful people are just soulless bastards. It filled me with a negativity and an ability to be judgmental I don´t find good and would like to stay clear from. The feeling of betrayal, of distrust, and of being repellent, is something I struggle with. It’s not as dramatic as it has been with actual heartbreak, but still… its shitty.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Sex is always important. It´s an intimate way to connect to someone, and quite honestly, it´s just a great bodily function we should all harness as often as we like. That said, the emotional bit that comes with it means every person has his/her baggage on tow, and that is what makes casual sex so hard for some or simply some times. We are bombarded with sex everywhere, yet it´s still so socially taboo. I´d love to have a sex-positive society where you could talk openly about it, do it without shame, and where people were a bit more in touch with their feelings and empathy, so that things wouldn´t be so damn complicated.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Feels like a confessional. I look forward to reading more cases.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!