by Just Bi You.
What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? South America
What country and/or city do you live in? Bogota, Colombia
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student and writer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? More than 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Lies of Beauty
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 to 4 weeks
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was very handsome, and took care of his looks. Light-colored eyes, trimmed black beard, dyed platinum blonde hair, a closet full of light-pink or light-random-colored clothes. Naked, he was a bit chubby and hairy in all the perfect ways, with many (meaningless, his words) tattoos all over. In short, the kind of beautiful person you sometimes want to be liked by but seldom are. We met on Grindr and chatted for a couple of days; forced chit-chat turned into fun, flirty banter. I was fairly nervous before we met, but kept my guards up: this was going to be a one-night thing only.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? If I remember correctly I proposed to meet. We agreed to meet early at his place before the sun rose on Sunday since both of us had things to do during the day and evening, or at least I did. He said so too, who knows. Additionally, that weekend his parents were out of town so we´d have the house to ourselves.
After the hookup, we met again Monday evening. This time he suggested it. It was like a natural continuation of what had happened on Sunday.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He was a bit groggy from his night out, so when I got there we laid in bed for a while, cuddling. We sucked each other repeatedly; he liked to have his nipples bitten. I love to kiss, but he didn’t always kiss back. He didn’t open his mouth to my kisses, although sometimes he did. I sucked his balls hard, and he fucked me once every time we met. In between every one of these episodes, we cuddled and groped each other, laughing. I´m very ticklish and he bit me lightly all over. However, the best part was the shower. After cumming all over each other we’d jump in the shower and just make out and fondle each other in the dark, steamy bathroom.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I had trouble keeping my guards up, both because of how nice it had been, but also because he had suggested we meet again on Monday. I didn’t really hope for anything, although I could feel myself wanting to. However, I’m cautious because I´ve had previous experiences with men I thought I connected with, that ended up in nothing. Besides, the sex was great, so I was looking forward to jumping in bed with him again.
After Monday evening, when things got far more intense, I had to leave in the middle of the night. I didn’t have enough money for the cab, so he lent me some; we made plans to meet again later that week for coffee, this time to talk (his suggestion, not mine).
He ghosted me. There are few things that I hate more. I understand it’s easy and convenient, but it just feels awful for the other person. The hard part is feeling like maybe, just maybe you’ve met someone you like a lot and you might at least end up being friends, and then getting shut out completely. I try not to do it to anyone I meet because I don’t want people to feel the ambivalence one experiences when you’re not sure you’ve been blocked. I say things straight and clear so people can openly deal with it.
Part of me hates him for it, part of me hates myself over all the fuzz. A part of me still holds hope that he might talk to me again, but another part of me counters with: would you really give him a chance after this? The answer hurts: no, I wouldn’t even want to look him in the eyes.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, It was easy/convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? MDMA, ecstasy, molly
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? About the first one, to a close friend who seemed amused that I had such an experience early in the morning. About the second, to most of my straight or lesbian friends.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I did lower my guards, and I liked him very much. His attitude tarnishes the good memory I have of his cuddling, his cum, and his body.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The shower bit, definitely. I had never had such unexpectedly intense sessions beneath scorching hot water, in the dark. It was surprising, and in perspective he must probably do that very often because he knew exactly what buttons to push, how to let the water swirl between our tongues. He kissed me fiercely then and there, not in the bed, like he was far more comfortable in the water. Quite honestly, it was amazing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The ghosting part. Just awful.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? After that, I tried to feel better using Grindr by having quick sessions of sex with strangers without letting my guard down (bad idea). Eventually, I deleted the app, and I won’t date or have sex for a while either.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I ended up thinking beautiful people are soulless bastards. It filled me with negativity and a heightened sensation of loneliness that I abhor. It was not as intense as the mildest heartbreak, but boy is it uncomfortable.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish we were educated not only on how to have satisfying sex, but on how to deal with feelings, both to avoid feeling how I’m feeling right now, and also to avoid doing things like ghosting. Sex-positivism is hard when people can be this crappy.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It feels like a confessional, but I’m surprisingly relieved by it. It does seem to let sexually repressed people let out their fantasies, somewhat (currently wondering if I`m one)
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