What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Netherlands
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bisexual, but with an emotional preference for men.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Long-distance desires

How long ago did this hookup happen? About a month and a half ago.

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? They’re quite a bit taller than me, not skinny but not fat either. Light brown hair, dark brown eyes.. I’d melt if they’d look at me. Exactly my type.

We met online, on a music forum, and we started talking casually.. until attraction came into play. They instigated it, and we talked back and forth about it for a while. They’re older than me and have some experience while I didn’t have any besides kissing, and I’ve always wanted to experience those things with someone who knew what they were doing. Obviously I started to feel attached and so did they, we swapped some nude pictures of one another (although it took me quite some time to go fully nude, I’m insecure about my body). So, after a month or two of doing that, I decided to fly over to their place to meet up, not necessarily to hook up but to just spend time with them, as the attraction was also emotional. I stayed there for a weekend, and besides the hook-up parts (it happened more than once) I was happy to spend time with them, and explore the area they live in.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Both times we started drinking a little bit. Of course, when you get drunk, you loosen up a little, have less boundaries, et cetera. The first time I got really really drunk, but I got sick the morning after so I didn’t drink as much the second time around. Then we’d just hug and kiss one another, really cute but also a bit messy.. and we just went on from there.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We just touched one another at some intimate places. Because I wasn’t very experienced and I was not on birth control at the time, we decided not to go all the way and just treat one another a little bit. I expected not to feel comfortable because I had a fear of intimacy for a long time (after sexual harassment) but it felt surprisingly nice, they knew exactly where to touch me and what to say, from sweet little words whispered in my ear to just moaning quietly. They did orgasm once, I unfortunately didn’t yet.. but there’s always a next time!

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? They were really nice to me, the first time I passed out pretty quickly and they’d just hold me and watch me sleep to make sure I was okay. The second time we’d cuddle up and watch some bad comedy movies together, not really saying much but we both knew that it was all okay.

After this experience I decided to go meet them again, for a full week this time. I have no set expectations, I just wanna see where this goes.. I’ve never felt like this before, I’m still young and I can explore all I want, so why shouldn’t I? I’ve learned that sex and relationships are two different things, and because of the distance we decided not to be together as partners, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun from time to time.. right? So, the plan for now is just us meeting as often as possible, and we’ll see where everything goes. I did start taking the birth control pill afterwards, just in case something might happen. 😉

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only to my younger sister. We tell one another about anything, and she was okay with it– she understands it’s normal at my age to do these kinds of things, really. She wants to meet them though, and see why I’m attracted to them.. but I’m not too sure about that yet.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The fact that I felt comfortable doing it, and that I felt loved and appreciated. They kept telling me how wonderful I was and how great this felt, and how courageous it was of me to go through with this despite my fears.. and that was a lot more important to me than anything else. Them appreciating my efforts made it a lot more special to me.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I didn’t get to orgasm yet. But hey, there’s always a next time, so it’s not too bad!

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I started exploring myself a lot more sexually. Before this I rarely ever masturbated whatsoever, mainly because I never really felt like it. But now I’m starting to do it more regularly and I’m finding things I like a lot, and things I want my long distance lover to do next time around.

I’ve also become a lot more understanding of people who are engaging in casual sex. I wouldn’t say I’d do it with a lot of people, but once or twice can’t harm, right?

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I used to think it was bad, and that sex always had to do with love and long-term relationships, but after this experience I myself became a lot more okay with it. I don’t really understand why it has such a taboo on it now– it’s sex god damnit, something we’ve been doing forever. Humans are not made to live with one partner for their whole lives, so why should we pretend like we can do that? A human has needs also, and they have the right to fulfill them, be it with their long-term partner or someone they have met only days ago.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great project, I am definitely going to write more about my future sexual experiences, be it with the person I’m experimenting with now or someone else.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!